I (18) want to start this by saying that this is going to be messy. I’m emotional, and this situation has been eating away at me. Please bear with me.

I’m not good at making friends, like, really bad at it. I moved to a different country five years ago, and since then, I’ve had maybe two real friends. Sure, acquaintances exist, but actual friends? Rare. So when I say I love these two people more than anything, I mean it. We've had a strong friendship (besides a rough patch in our first year of high school, but that’s a story for another day).

Now, I’ve never had an issue helping people. If someone asks for help, I’ll do it. No problem. But recently, things have just… spiraled. I’m in the IB program and we’re nearing final exams. I took time off from school for mental health reasons because it was really, really bad. Bad enough that people around me were scared for me, and honestly, so was I.

During that time, I had to finish these mandatory documents to graduate. I broke down and asked for help from my two friends, the same way they have asked for help before. One of them (let’s call her P, 19) helped me organize, she would call out the strands and I would check if I had all the documents. If I didn’t, I redid them. It started off fine.

Later, I asked P if she could help with a Google Sheets graph I needed for biology. I already had the data and calculations done, I just needed the graph. I gave her access to my doc expecting her to insert the chart, but she ended up rewriting nearly the whole thing. When I checked the doc, I saw her pasting my stuff into ChatGPT and tweaking it. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to upset her (she has a temper), so I stayed quiet. When she finished, it was midnight. She said she was done cooking and had to sleep. My other friend had gone to bed earlier, so that's why I didn't ask them. In the end I left it alone.

Fast forward to yesterday. I asked P for help with the Table of Contents in Google Docs, it wasn’t working even though I followed instructions, so I assumed the file was bugged. I also asked another friend (outside our trio) who’s good with Docs, and she helped me in five minutes. Problem solved, or so I thought.

P then sicked her boyfriend (let’s call him A, 19) on me. He messaged me, calling me a "lazy piece of shit" and other horrible things. And yeah, I forgot P’s birthday. I feel awful about that. But my memory sucks, plus, we’re all stressed. Finals are in eight days. I genuinely thought our friendship was stronger than a missed birthday. She's missed my birthday before. I’ve forgotten my own brother’s birthday before. It’s not personal.

But the thing is, I didn’t think I was exploiting her. She was asking me for help too. We all were. That’s how it’s been this entire time. It wasn’t just one-sided, I genuinely thought we were supporting each other, trying to survive IB together. We did this all the time. So to have him come at me like that, calling me lazy and acting like I’m some manipulative monster, felt so wildly unfair.

Again, I forgot her birthday, yeah. That’s on me. I apologized. But the idea that forgetting one birthday cancels out months of mutual support? It feels like he’s been waiting for a reason to hate me.

P herself has been taking time off for her mental health too. Most of her time is spent with A. I’ve told her multiple times that he makes me uncomfortable, he’s slapped my ass, touched my chest, hit me (even if "playfully," it hurt), said cruel things to me and others, and constantly disrespects boundaries. I’ve told her this. She knows. And she stays with him.

Their relationship started weird too. At our friend K’s (17) party, A and K were basically all over each other, like, practically making out. We all thought they might date. P saw this while she was busy taking care of the drunkest people (I offered to help but got pushed away), and she lost it. She slammed the terrace door, broke a wine glass, yelled them, and stormed out. I had a mini panic attack because of the noise and picked up the glass with my bare hands. She called me sobbing, asking me to get her stuff. I did.

That same night, I stayed at her place, and the next night A attempted to take his own life. P had to call the cops, give them info she didn’t even know, and was completely traumatized. At that point, she was still dating a 25-year-old man. After A got released (just two days later), he confessed to her. She broke up with the older guy and got with A almost immediately.

Since then, it’s been a rollercoaster. Honeymoon phase. Expensive gifts from her to him. Nothing from him in return. She cried to me about feeling used, about him not caring, about him only wanting her for her body. I comforted her every time. But their relationship? It’s toxic. Not in a jealous way (I’m not jealous), but when someone you love only ever cries about their relationship, it’s hard not to see it for what it is.

He once accused me of being “an obsessed ex” because I care. I care deeply. I want my friends happy and healthy. But her mental health has plummeted since they got together, and I don’t know how to help her anymore.

Back to now. After everything he said to me yesterday, I hurt myself. I’m not proud of it. I ended up calling K, who was just as shocked. She said she didn’t understand why they were trying to have “beef” days before exams. She said P was in the wrong for letting her boyfriend message me like that, especially since P knows how unsafe and scared he makes me feel.

Even my mom called her immature and spoiled, saying she always lets her boyfriends get between her and her friends. K, who’s been her friend for 11 years, doesn't spend time with her anymore because she's constantly with him. And this isn’t the first time she's thrown us aside for a boyfriend.

I’ve done everything I can to hold this friendship together. But I feel like I’m losing her. And I’m starting to think maybe I should let go. I haven’t responded to A’s message, but I did message P to say I was sorry. Still, the whole situation wouldn’t have stung this badly if I hadn’t put effort into a handwritten note and gift to thank her for helping me. She could have just said no. She knows this, and has said no before. She didn’t need to have him verbally abuse me.

This has been building up for so long. I don’t think my mental health has ever mattered to her, only when it benefited her or gave her something to be part of. I know I’ve been a shitty friend at times. But I never wanted things to end like this. I would’ve preferred if she had just talked to me. Like adults. Not weaponized her boyfriend against me.

I’ve tried being kind. I’ve tried ignoring him. I’ve tried matching his energy. But nothing works. He’s cruel, and I’m scared of him. I don’t know what else to do.

Maybe it is just teenage drama. Maybe I’m stupid. But I need to know, AITAH for wanting to drop her completely? Even if it means losing the good memories, the shared secrets… even if I know she might use them against me out of spite?

I just need honest feedback. Please.