My girlfriend and I of four years have had a consistent argument regarding household duties. It’s the only thing we’ve consistently argued over in the past. Now, I feel like there’s a lot more behind this, but I’ll summarize the issue first.

She and I have different perspectives on what makes a home clean and what is acceptable. When it comes to taking action on it, here’s the issue.

I own a business that does very well for us and I have to manage it at home on a daily basis. I work six days a week and sometimes Sundays. Sometimes I work well into the night, sometimes into the morning. But we can afford a very nice house and a nice lifestyle.

I’m terrible at cleaning and don’t want to make the time for it. I’m perfectly happy to pay for a cleaning service considering where I lack, but she does not want that. She’s argued that she doesn’t want someone in our home, touching our things, which I find weird because I know she had a maid growing up.

For context, I never had a maid growing up. And perhaps this is leaking into my perspective, but my mother cleaned everything growing up. She cleaned, cooked and had a 9-5 where she had a 2 hour commute. That’s right, she would wake up at 7, come home at 7 and still cook and clean the house and pick up after three men.

Now I know that is completely unreasonable to expect out of someone. That is not what I’m asking for. But let’s be real. My girlfriend doesn’t have a job. She only does graphic design work for me, only working maybe 15 hours a week. She has absolutely no stress in terms of her work, no real boss to account to. And we’ve discussed in the past, because of this afforded freedom, the home is her responsibility.

And I’m not saying it’s her job to do everything. I’m saying it’s her responsibility, meaning if she wants to setup a system where I clean here and there or at this or that time, she needs to do it and hold us accountable to it.

I’ll say too that I’m not a pig, but I will leave mess around. If dishes are left to me, for example, I may not get to them until the next day. I’ll preoccupy myself with work and will overstuff the trash. Again, I’m aware of things like this and I’m willing to hire someone to help with it because it is just not my strong suit.

I just really need help judging what’s fair here in 2025. Sometimes I feel like a chauvinistic asshole asking her to do these things, and I feel so insulted and ashamed when she’s resentful having to pick things up and clean.