This is my first post so I'm going to try to explain this the best way I can. I (28 female) and my boyfriend (30 male) have been dating since Aug 2024 and honestly I feel like he is my person. We do have a long distant relationship but I see him about every other month. I feel like I can tell him everything with no judgement and he has understanding for the way that I think. With the topic of his son I don't want to offend him or make him feel some type of way. I haven't met his son yet which we do plan on me doing that soon. Just me being far away we wanted to take things slow and get to know each other before meeting family's (which I am a firm believer of not just meeting every one Im dating/ talking to kids). Also I was scared due to pass relationships I'm use to people leaving my life or putting me last just not caring fully for me. So it does make me hesitant on things

I Have express these things to him as well and he makes sure I feel the love from him the best way he can. I'm teaching him how to love me without telling him directly and he's learning and trying too. I love that for me.

The only thing I don't like is that when he saying something sweet to me he reminds me his son comes first right after. Which I did express the first time he did this at the very beginning of us talking that he doesn't need to say it, its your son that's already understood that your son comes first. I'm not even compared nor will I compete with that. I would think something is wrong with him if he did put me before him.

We almost got into an argument one time because he went mia which I don't like that anything could happen which he explained about his son being in the hospital and apologize for going mia. I also apologize too and attitude was instantly gone just to let my man know I'm here for him and making sure to ask about his son. We later on talked more about the communication and i did express that he's not single anymore and going mia isn't an option in the future and a simple text does go a long way but after his son was out the hospital I wanted his attention to be with his son or if he needed to talk about something else I was his little distraction from reality for just a moment. It felt so good to be there for him.

Now lately he saying things like " I love you more then anyone in this world other then my son" and "Ill never put no one above you other then my son"...... In my head I'm like well how many times do you need to say other then your son. Honestly his son don't even come to mind of me being before him. I thought that was already understood. Going into any relationship with a partner that has a child it should be already in that persons mind!!!! It makes me think if we was to get married is he going to say this in his vows.

Its triggering tbh. I overthink all the time.. When he does say that I cant help but feel like he wants me to make sure that I know I'm second. Its like a slap in the face when I read it or when he says it out loud. All my life I felt second or not good enough people make me feel it till this day just in the things they do and how they treat other people, hell how they show up for other people. When things go wrong I'm who they come to for money, support, their children births/ birthdays. When it comes to me people don't even show for a birthday or when i visit my home town all my friends or family have 100 accuse as to why they cant come see me 5 miles away or just go mia, but they will show up other friends/ family members. It makes me feel so little to everyone. I'm tired of the support not being both ways so I started being unavailable to them. I don't want anyone around me that makes me feel second, little, not important, or not included.

Don't get me wrong It's not the "son" part that gets me its the consistent reminder is what's making me feel like he's trying to say "your second". I feel like he should rephrase the sentence or something. I don't know how to go about it or if I'm just tripping and looking to deep into it and I shouldn't say anything. I know I'm not the top but i don't think i should have to feel like I'm second if that make sense???