TL;DR: I had my birthday party this weekend and my best friend made everything I planned for it barely even worth it. I feel like our friendship is dying, and this happened after I got a boyfriend. AITAH?

This might be long because there is a good chunk of backstory.

This weekend I had my "friend" celebration for my birthday (intending next weekend to be when I spend time with my boyfriend and family). I invited a ton of friends from near and far. I had three from out of town agree to join, one of which being my best friend. I also had a few in-town friends that joined as they could.

Backstory #1: I am very much type A, my best friend is very VERY much not. Anything we do together, I am almost always making all of the plans and she has no idea what is going on. Most of the time, this works out. I have complete control and can really organize. However, it gets frustrating having to be the one to do it all of the time, and sometimes it just does not work out well. For instance, she sometimes completely neglects paying any attention to the plans, besides things like when to get there and even then she is usually running late (sometimes hours late).

So, I plan out an entire day long celebration so people can come and go as they please. The day includes birdwatching, lunch, swimming at the hotel, bowling, and drinks/going out. I thought I would have at least 5 people around for each event, fully expecting my out-of-town friends to join for all of it since they weren't really in town for any other reason.

Birdwatching goes decently well, my best friend is the only out of town friend that joined and she was quiet but she can get like that sometimes. I had two other friends join, and they were very much there to have fun and spend time with me.

My other out-of-town friends going and we go to lunch and I had preordered our food after checking to make sure everyone would eat what I picked out. I had lunch at my job because planning was stressful and I knew how to take care of setting up a reservation, ordering, and everything else. I ordered plenty of food - we had 7 people at lunch and I ordered three pizzas and 4 appetizers. I proposed we split the bill evenly since we will all be munching here and there. My out-of-town friends decided to order their own food and basically ordered every appetizer I had already ordered because they "wanted to be greedy with it". There was so much food left over.

Backstory #2: My boyfriend also works there. I chose that weekend to spend with friends because I am much more adventures and enjoy larger groups, and he is the complete opposite. Plus, I wanted to be able to spend time with him in a more intimate setting than a large group of friends. I enjoy our one-on-one time a lot. And on top of that, my best friend doesn't like my boyfriend (100% can promise her reason for disliking him has very little support and is simply an opinion she decided to form before she even met him).

Now, I told them they were more than welcome to order food that I didn't order on their own bill. The decided that they were going to order more of the same food that I ordered, and then my boyfriend paid the bill without me knowing. The rest of my friends were so grateful, they were so impressed with him, incredibly happy for me, it was amazing. I was being showered with love for my relationship that makes me truly happy. My best friend avoided eye contact entirely, did not say thank you even once, didn't even mention him paying for it once, even though she ordered the extra food and she was supposed to pay for it separately.

Backstory #3: I have NEVER talked to my other out-of-town friends about him. Anything they know, they know from him. They have never once questioned me being in a relationship, never once asked about my boyfriend, never asked who *bf's name* was when I would mention him, so my best friend obviously filled them in on everything from her POV.

My other out-of-town friends also never mentioned how nice it was of him to pay for dinner (over $100).

After lunch, I check into my hotel and go swimming. One of the friends that stuck around for birdwatching continued to stick around and we are hanging out waiting for OOT friends (
out-of-town). From the time we get to the hotel to the time my friends show up (they are staying at a hotel across the street), it had been two hours. My other friend and I are pretty done with swimming, so OOT friends hang out in the pool together while we sit out and talk, still in the pool area. My friend leaves since she has plans later, OOT friends and I get ready to go bowling. I myself am running late, so I let other friends that thinking of joining that I'm pushing it back a half hour. OOT friends mention they want to get ice cream before going. Fair enough, but I don't want to keep other people waiting, and we plan on eating. I mention getting it afterwards and they agreed. I forgot about it and they didn't mention it until later when I mentioned what else they wanted to do, and they whined about it being too late for ice cream now. Bowling was overall fun, but they made little effort to interact with my other friends, a couple of which they knew before.

Backstory #4: Until the couple weeks, I used to go out a lot. there was a breakup in my friend group that kind of separated everybody and while we are still friends, its not as fun to go out anymore. When I was planning my party, I was still enjoying going out, or at least trying to enjoy it, and thought it would be fun for my birthday. One of my OOT friends had never been in my town before either, so we wanted to show her downtown, a place I spent a lot of time.

For the past couple weeks ive been debating not going out and just hanging out at the hotel playing games and having drinks instead. Partially because I wasn't enjoying it as much, partially because I wanted it to be more intimate with friends, and partially because my boyfriend was coming to the hotel after work and I didn't want him to be waiting for me too long. Most of my in-town friends were home for the night and my OOT friends seemed to really want to go out, so I decided we could go out for an hour or so. We pick some bars that I don't normally go to because one in-town friend joined and he wanted to avoid those places (after the break up he distanced himself from a lot of people in the group). They didn't enjoy the first place, ordered water and just up and left without telling me where they were going. They finally come back, and I offer for us to leave or go to a different bar. They want to go to a different bar. We find one, order drinks, they order water again, and we play a game of beer pong. They seemed to have fun but I was disappointed they weren't drinking at all. They aren't sober or anything, so a drink or two would have been fine. They were even going to make me pay for Ubers despite both being perfectly sober and the drive from downtown to the hotel being less than 5 minutes (my in-town friend that was with us drove us).

After the game of beer pong we decided to go back to the hotels. in-own friend mentions playing some games and having a couple drinks/smoking. I'm down but want to invite my boyfriend since he is waiting for me across the street. OOT friends say nothing, get out, and say goodnight. In-town friend comes over and hangs out with my boyfriend and I and I think this might've been the best part of the night (it helps that my boyfriend is friends with this friend too since he works with us).

This morning I was supposed to get up early and say goodbye to my one OOT friend (not best friend) but I was so upset that I paid no attention to my phone and spent the morning cuddling with my boyfriend until he had to get ready for work. I finally check my phone just as she leaves. I feel bad, but I was pretty hurt by the whole day. My best friend comes over for breakfast and to hang out a bit before leaving, but is on her phone pretty much the whole time.

I think I need to talk to her about how it made me feel. I don't expect the world, but for her to mention how kind it was of my bf to pay for lunch, if she would have mentioned what she wanted for lunch we could've figured something different out rather than wasting a bunch of food, and it wouldve been nice if she bought me a drink at the bar or would've shown more interest in being out after insisting we stay out.

I understand I didn't need to invite my boyfriend over, but I felt it was my birthday celebration, and I wanted him there for at least a little bit, as much time as we could fit in. I know and respect that she may not like him, but again, I feel like I am allowed to do what I want for my birthday.

So, AITAH for not respecting her boundaries in that sense? AITAH if I start distancing myself from her because of this whole day? It isn't just because of her reaction (or lack there of) towards my boyfriend, but the way I felt she treated me all day. She wasn't there because she wanted to be there for me, she was there because we have labeled ourselves each others best friends and she felt like she needed to be there.