Hey all, I've read alot of posts but never posted so here goes, it's gonna be a very long read (throwaway account) :

I (22F) and my ex / roommate (25F) have had a time and I'd like to know if im the asshole. Basically, I moved here because she promised she could take care of me & I'd be a housewife until i could find a job. (I moved from BC to Ontario, half for her & half for a chance to live in the city)

Our relationship had some rocky points. Initially we were incredibly compatible but after a few months we figured we were sexually incompatible, to which we opened the relationship a couple times. The first time, she said she was a pure bottom & could never top me. She then came home after sleeping with an old friend, saying "That was one of the best experiences I've had, & I was on top!"

That really hurt, so we closed our relationship. We were monogamous for about 6ish months, all the while she promised me endlessly that she was happy being monogamous with me. She eventually had a breakdown about being unhappy about it & wanting polyamory, I decided that we should begin to slowly seperate as I didnt want to keep her in a relationship she wasn't happy in. 3 days after we began to seperate, she had already found someone and began spending (not a hyperbole) every weekend with them. That hurt alot too.

In that time, I've gotten myself on the ontario equivalent of employment assistance, so i can start making my own rent regularly (i would work with her family occasionally in construction but it was never enough to really support myself) & she has. for lack of a better term become completely cold.

She found a boyfriend, maybe early to late January or February. She's known him for only a few months but he's about ~80% of what she talks about now. They started dating within 3 weeks of meeting and they want to move in together, that's all fine, I'm glad he makes her happy!

The problem at hand: • She has many, many broken promises to me. Taking care of me was one, promising to help me (financially or just emotionally) if i ever wanted to move back. • She also promised me that she never wanted to introduce her boyfriend to her family, & that if family functions were mentioned we'd just go together (I'm kind of close with her family and I have none here so it's nice to have some) which she then changed her mind on. • Her mom asked me if i wanted to go to the easter gathering this month, back in February (?) and she initially agreed and said it'd be just us. • She then changed her mind and decided she wants to bring her boyfriend, which, obviously makes it hella awkward for me to go so essentially i can't go anymore as I'm uncomfortable being around him (there was a gathering in February for family day in our city and she chose not to go then because she wasn't close enough with him at the time (?)) • This week, she promised we'd have the week together (monday to thursday because she leaves on weekends to see her bf) and i was really excited for that. She then got invited to a short dinner on Wednesday, and dropped everything to go, which is fair just. Unfortunate to me because i hoped she'd keep her word (she did apologise but it lead into an argument)

Why I'm posting now:

• My mom thinks it's time for me to go back. Since i havent been able to find a regular job and my roommate/ex is treating me not so stellarly, she wants to pay my credit card off and for tickets to coerce me to go back to my hometown. I managed to convince my mom that if i can get the car fixed in 3 months (i can take my next level driving test then) then i could drive home. • I brought this up with roommate, as 3 people in this apartment makes rent cheap enough for me to save a tiny portion of money - which i could use to fix the car. This escalated into a full blown argument, where initially I said that I didn't enjoy how hostile she was being & it felt like she didnt care (she used to ask me how im doing or how things made me feel or how she can help) but this time she just. feels cold and disconnected. • She then retaliated with an entire list of everything I've done wrong in this week, alot of it are genuine concerns & I'm trying to work on it! but also behaviour she does to me?? So when i brought that up she got even more upset by saying I'm avoiding accountability by mentioning she does it too but. I'm not trying to avoid anything i just want us both to be accountable? From my perspective, this big of a conversation should be about how we're both mistreating eachother.

She has since 'soft moved out' (grabbed her clothes and everything and is at her boyfriends for the foreseeable future is what she said)

Some more context: • We met online, through discord almost 3 years ago.

• I wasn't paying regular rent until about october last year, before that she would take everything I made when i worked with her. even if it was over the amount of rent i was told i shouldve been paying. (my mom said this was financial abuse from her but i disagreed) I now pay just 100$ under what she pays for rent

• I am the main cook / cleaner in the apartment and have been accomodating her since before she knew she was autistic. I know exactly how she likes her eggs, her toast, her favourite soda and favourite kind of candy. I have consistently done extra unnecessary things for her. A couple weeks ago I made her a small pan of mushrooms for her own quesadilla, or a few months ago I bought her 4 jars of her favourite pickles and wrote an "i love you' note. Everytime i shop for groceries i get her her soda and candy and her favourite kind of orange juice. I do her laundry too. When she came home last night for a few minutes to grab her stuff, i had it in a pile on the bed for her to make it easy, including her favourite chocolates that i asked her to leave me one of (she didnt)

• We're both incredibly autistic and have hearing loss / memory problems and alot of social communication issues

• example 1: when i tossed her vape pen onto the bed and it accidentally hit her phone. we were in the middle of an argument but I had no intention of a throw and just. tossed it onto the bed. i apologized after, but if that's not okay then neither is her tossing the tv remote or my car keys to me.

• example 2: she and i split an oz of weed 50/50 and paid 100$ for it. she only told me in a busy lobby that it was actually 4 kinds of weed, and gave me 1 small jar with 7 grams in it that she only expected me to smoke 3.5 of. for the half ounce i was owed. I asked about the rest but she said she had to weigh it, and never once suggested I could do it. She then started texting me for her steam deck, i said no i don't want you upstairs as you're making me uncomfortable and she was really upset. i said if she texts me "hey im in the lobby" that's a 5 second interaction. asking me if i want her upstairs to get it is atleast 10 minutes and asking me if i want that. so i said no, but i can bring it down to you in the lobby. She said I was controlling her property and withholding it from her, but i just didn't want her in the condo when my partner was over & gave her an alternative option.

• example 3: she's been touching me sexually alot. Grabbing my ass, slapping it, putting her hand on my crotch - and it makes me uncomfortable. I was on call with my friend playing games and she just, walked up to me and put her hand on it?? and then wrote 'unwanted sexual advances' in her list? We don't have a sexual relationship anymore besides maybe naked cuddling. Sometimes i poke her boobs but that's all I can think of, which seems benign considering she grabs mine almost all the time we cuddle.

There have been many other small arguments over things like this. There's also a million little things ive been doing for her too as acts of love. When asked about what she does for me comparatively, all i get is silence. She didn't seem upset or unhappy with me until she found her boyfriend.

I just want my best friend back. We used to go on drives, adventures, play games and spend time together. Now she's always on her phone or computer, or gone entirely. I miss her. I miss who I met when i moved here. We were great friends before we moved here and now it feels like she's purposefully driving a wedge between us. I thought we were having a good few days, i had some money so i took her out for lunch a few times too. She says she's not willing to have a conversation unless someone else is physically there (which is fair, shes yelled at me & I've yelled at her so it'd make me feel comfortable too)

But if it doesnt get worked out soon my mom is gonna soft force me to go back to my hometown as i can't afford to live here if its just 2 people (the new roommate will probably up my rent is why)

Anyways thank you to whoever reads this ❤️ I'm sorry its a mess.

any advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️