I've struggled with this question for the longest time. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm the problematic one is the family (because it was genuinely the opinions of most my my immediate family and relatives). I was often referred to as the difficult child and the black sheep by my mother. I was diagnosed with ADHD early in life and more recently autism. At this point I have worked for some time with children and a bit with parents within the mental health area but I'm not a licensed professional so most the decision making is by a more senior colleague or supervisor.

At this point, I strongly suspect that both of my parents have undiagnosed autism and that my mother may have some form of narcissism. Most conversations with her tend to revolve around gossiping about others or boasting about her own achievements. My father does try, but he isn't the most emotional understanding person and lets my mother so most of the parenting. They have now divorced a long time ago and he has since remarried a lovely person.

But growing up I remember a lot of arguments between my parents and my mother being extremely strick and some times like me having to compete with my sister to get a particular nice gift that my mother has bought. She would also give one person more 'affection' and acknowledgement. My sister being the neurotypical child always did much better in my mother's eyes in almost every aspect. She definitely fits the standard of beauty much more, did better in school, and was the popular kid is school. My mother also likes posting things on social media and she does boast a lot more about my sister. I think being the more 'golddn child's my sister learned more the traits of my mother and is starting to play all these games and such. And most of the not-so-nice things tend to be directed more at me especially when I was still a child/teen and dependant on my family. Here is why I think I might be the toxic one. I has (and still do have some) very strong sensory sensitivities that can result in outbursts and screaming, throwing things. My parents and usually my mother would sometimes respond to this with strong verbal criticism or physical punishment. My father sometimes make me go to sit in a dark room by myself as punishment (I used to be afraid of the dark and still is to some degree). Having ADHD I would also not do well in school and if my grades fell after a certain level, I might get a certain number of canning. I was also resentful of my sister getting more attention and affection from my mother as a child so I was mean to her Because I would get angry easily, scream, cry, lash out or often isolate myself and refuse to go for family hangouts sometimes at the last minute (I'm not sure why, but I just didn't like going out of the house much) so many of my extended family members also see me as problematic. I think I'm mostly very self focused especially as a child -- I don't think I fully saw other people as having their own thoughts and traumatic experiences until the past two years and I'm in my late 20s now (as in no clear theory of mind as part of autism but sometimes I also wonder if maybe I'm also narcissistic myself??). I think my sister used to be a very sweet child but perhaps she learned too much from mother that the role is now switched. Often my mother seems to be the one vying for my sister's attention. I have now moved out to a different place to get away from everything and have my own space. However, my sister did seem to improve somewhat recently. In a heart to heart, a few nights ago when we met, I did open up to her about my struggles, acknowledge that I was not the nicest sibling to live with due to all my issues and maybe also my own personality, and say that I think she got so much nicer and perhaps mature recently.

Now the trigger event for this is that, earlier that day for some reason my mother and sister mostly ignored me in the morning when we were travelling to a different city. E.g. If I made a random bid such as "Oh that view looks nice", "You could try wearing the hat before we get in the bus" it would be met with radio silence. My mother and sister likes taking photos for their social media and if my mother did not do it well my sister was often go off on a tirade against her. So I wasn't very keen on the outting but still tried not to think much about it and just tag along, playing some random mobile games when they stop at a spot for long and get a few pictures of the view or myself along the way.

After we came back to the hotel, my sister said she was going to shower before me. Which I didn't mind. However, I needed -- and this is a bit TMI -- to use to toilet quickly for a number 2 as I was having to many sweet snacks. She let me do that but then was complaining about how I obviously lied about needing the toilet that urgently because she said "people would usually know over time in advance if they need to use it. I was a bit miffed but make a joke out of it. And then I left the bathroom to air out a bit. She then essentially demanded that I go shower first and I got really annoyed and said that she was too controlling and she still acts very toxic at times like these. She tend went on a tirade saying I'm fake and was completely contradicting myself compared to the heart to heart and that I'm more problematic with how fake was. I said that I am aware I'm have a lot of issues but I still seek out therapy and try to improve myself and that this was the reason why I didn't want to be around her that much. (She also used to repetitively make me re-add her on social medias for years or tell our relatives if I blocked her or unfollowed her on Instagram when we keep having these sort of arguments). She then said that she doesn't want to be around me either and never show up when I came back yearly and have dinner with the extended family. Which was not true and she showed up sometimes and when I pointed that out, she then said "Well I can't help it if the rest of the family love me so much that they'll always invite me. I don't care I'll still come if I'm invited." I am just upset that this whole thing with me just needing to use the bathroom. I think maybe I was also in the wrong for not regulating my emotions and saying rude things. My original plan was to not say anything because there was only a few days left on the trip.