So my(27M) step mom(70F), we’ll call her Cindy has been with my father since I was 5. So over 20 years. I’ve never particularly been close with her family I was a little bit of a problem child with ADHD off the charts and would always get in trouble so I was never really included by her family. Plus she’s always just been pretty overtly rude with no self awareness and I wouldn’t put up with it and would talk back which is also probably a reason. They would be cordial with me, but after 20 years, we still never were “family”. However Cindy to me was and I loved her as if she was a second mother to me because she was.

My dad got diagnosed with Parkinsons-Dementia with Lewy body features over a year ago. He required full time care over time and progressively forgot how to do basic tasks to the point where he lost all of his dignity. He fell and broke his ribs in the house and Cindy decided it was time to put him in the hospital for full time comfort care until he passes. This was in August of 2024. Since then I was visiting my dad, preparing for my newborn child who was just born April 2nd, recovering from a major surgery which is a 6 month recovery among other issues, to say this winter has been hard for me is a vast understatement.

I had tried to stay in contact with Cindy, I’d send her text messages, when we would meet at the hospital I’d tell her if she ever needs me don’t hesitate to call me, I would tell her that I had always worried once my dad passed that her side of the family would just completely write me off because I’ve never really been included. The age gap between me and all of Cindy’s children is pretty wide as well. Over time, she became increasingly more distant and cold with me. I would call her and try to converse and it would go like “hey I’m out with a friend, call you later bye”. I would drive past the house on the way home from the hospital because it was on my drive home and periodically notice a vehicle there I was unfamiliar with. Still I had my hunch but didn’t say anything because to me the thought of her fucking with someone else while my dad is dying in the hospital just made no sense to me it couldn’t possibly be true.

My father also passed January 23rd and I got to sit at the hospital with his cold body and cried on him for hours. A few weeks later we had our baby shower and I had invited Cindy weeks in advance. It was hosted by my sister and she was more than welcome. The day of the shower she texts me and says “I won’t make it, had plans with billy(her son) bye” and I said okay well if you change your mind let me know love you. Still to me that was pretty sus. Fast forward a few weeks, and I go over there to collect my fathers ashes and she texts me on the way and goes “don’t go into the garage I’ll tell you later” weird but okay.

So I get there we talk, I get a small necklace of my father and I eventually ask how the door got broken. She was reluctant to tell me at first saying it was broken but wouldn’t tell me who broke it so I pretty much confirmed my hunch at that point. After 20 years of being in my life there’s not many people I don’t know so for her to hide a name is really weird. I tell her she can just come clean because I know already and she tells me she didn’t want me to hate her.

So she tells me how since August, which is when my dad got put in the hospital she’s been fucking around with this guy named Jerry(80M). Now Jerry she informs me isn’t a new acquisition. Prior to my father she had this husband named Ralph and he was around for about 20 years. This guy has existed in her life since before Ralph. She was fucking him before Ralph just as a fling she informs me, then kicked him to the curb for Ralph; Ralph dies, she gets with Jerry again for a few months, meets my dad, kicks Jerry to the curb again. My dad starts dying, picks Jerry back up. She also told me that before dad went to the hospital, Jerry showed up there one day talking about “I’ve driven past this house for years working up the courage to come down there” she allegedly shoed him off. Jerry is also the reason the door is broken on the garage. Apparently she told him that she doesn’t want to have a relationship and he got mad and came over while she was gone and busted the garage door my dad built himself. She also had been letting him keep his things in the garage, frequently going on dates with him, buying him a 300 dollar stereo set. So I can understand his confusion but still.

Mind you, this is the day I go over to get my ashes of my one month cold father she drops the I’ve been fucking someone else while he’s in the hospital on me. While I’d be visiting him he’d be calling her name out while she’s probably at home getting dicked down by Jerry in my father and hers bed. It’s a disgusting thought for me.

I keep it cordial but I am fuming at this point and try to divert the conversation. She mentions going to this bar and I offer to go with her so we can get some time together and she goes “why would I bring you to the bar when I’m trying to pick up guys?” Like how sick in the head do you have to be. At this point I excuse myself to go outside and fix her headlight on her car for her but also to get some air.

I go outside to the garage, and notice all my dad’s stuff moved around and taken out, my stuff rifled though. Cindy wouldn’t have done this and she also mentioned Jerry “re arranged the garage to make it cozier for them” and I also notice his address written on a notepad on the lawn chair in the garage, so I know it was this fucker. At this point I lose it I start crying hysterically. I broke a thing or two of mine, then I go into the house and tell my girlfriend and 2 daughters to go outside and still crying but completely cordial and non violent ask Cindy why the fuck she would do this and if he’s the reason she skipped my baby shower, and sure enough it was. She did indeed go over to Billy’s house, but also brought Jerry along to introduce him to her family, her sons, and grandkids. That’s what she skips my baby shower to do. I didn’t even want gifts from her, I just wanted her there and to keep our relationship alive for my dad’s sake.

My dad didn’t get to die with dignity. He lost all of it to Parkinson’s and the last bit he had was with his relationship and he couldn’t even get that. She at the FLIP of a coin, and I’m assuming cause she had been drinking starts berating me. “Get out of the house now, you’re never welcome back here again, you got 30 days to get your things and never come back”, she was saying things like “if I had more say in your life maybe you’d be more of a man” because I was crying, also “HE FORGOT HOW TO FUCK ME A YEAR AGO”. Like he’s been around for 20 years, you couldn’t wait till he at least passed? She even had the nerve to tell me I couldn’t get the rest of my father’s ashes; She had the main urn but I was gonna bring a smaller one later on to be filled to have alongside my necklace. She fucking has the nerve to tell me I can’t get my dad’s ashes. At this point I just leave. I assume her response was that way because she knows she’s wrong but she’s always been too damn prideful to admit it.

A month has passed at this point and I text her to discuss the day I’m picking my things up. I’ll just attach those text messages in an Imgur link because I don’t want to type it out but you can see the altercation that was had there. She had the audacity to have I’m assuming Jerry text me off her phone threatening me. In response to my text asking her to leave me alone; no communication was had since the incident that isn’t in the texts provided.

https://imgur.com/a/ytFOq7f

So, am I the asshole???