Very long post… I'm sorry. My husband and I got married half a decade ago. We are still in our 20s with no kids. He is a great human being and I love him very much. The issue is his family. His mother is an alcoholic gambler. However, that isn't the problem that broke the camels back. When we got married, she told him that I had to sign a prenup. This confused me because we were making the same amount of money… not a lot. I found out he has a trust from his grandfather. This trust has paid for his brother and him during childhood and early adulthood. They get a lump sum when they turn 30. "OK, cool. I'm happy that he has something to fall back on or build for his retirement" He didn't tell me until later that his mom pressured him/his brother to promise to give her half when they were pre-pubescent. It is her retirement plan. She has guilt tripped my husband on multiple occasions about it. Almost all of the conversations that they have are about this money. He just didn't see from an outside perspective that she's been manipulating him for years. She got the trustee kicked off under the guise of the trust not giving them enough money when she started to plan her retirement. She had them start giving her half of their monthly allowance even though she has a good job, no rent payment and my husband is struggling. She wanted to replace the trustee with her boyfriend, but my husband didn't agree so they got an independent unbiased person. She wants them to remove all of the money and give her "her share" so that she can retire despite the fact that it is not a good time to do so nor are they allowed to. I would like to reiterate that she is not attached to this. If her father left her money, it's gone. As I previously stated she is a drunk + gambler but she makes good money and has a good job. She has had over a decade at a good paying job to prepare but she has taken trips all over the United States and gambled it away. She hasn't come and seen her son in the entire time that we've been married. When she calls him. They talk for a few minutes and then it's brought back to money... They need to do this... when am I getting money?...etc. She has been living in a home for over a decade that owned by my husband and his brother. She doesn't pay rent.

Here comes the problem that makes me question whether or I want to deal with this for the rest of my life. He is away from home working 13 hour days rn. He has been travelling a lot for work and is stressed out as we just moved back to the US. He is not doing good. His family wants him to okay selling the only stable investment to his brother so that his brother can give the money to his mom. I'm not getting into specifics, but it would cause an imbalance of money. Someone would be getting significantly less or more. The investment is also only going to go up in price. My husband wants to do it all at the same time so that it's not unfair to anyone. They have been pressuring him for a week. He has a very demanding job where he doesn't have the time to think about it and wants to wait until he can get home and make an informed decision. It's just a week away. He wants to hire someone with an unbiased opinion to give him advice. They doubled down on their pressure yesterday and he blew up at them. He told them that they were only thinking of themselves, it was a bad idea, and he does not have time for this right now. They are both mad at him and flipping this on him saying that he is letting money get inbetween their family. They always support each other etc. They haven't been supporting him for years. They say they want his okay but when he says just wait a second let me figure it out they get mad. This is tearing him up because his family is incredibly important to him. He has a very small family and is isolated from almost all other family members, but his mother and brother due to (moms) family drama. He feels guilty for saying anything besides yes because they successfully manipulated him into thinking he was the bad guy. They have not reached out to him to check on him once while he's been gone... only for money. Every time this is brought up, he asks me my opinion. I tell him every time that I am not comfortable sharing my opinion because it is his family/money but he admits that he is blind to his family and needs my opinion. I rarely give it because that would cause strife. His family bullied his brother's ex-wife. She warned me to not involve myself in family dynamics and conversations or I would be the next target. That is why I'm posting this here for an unbiased opinion instead of talking to people. I'm scared that they are going to find out and start attacking me which will cause issue in our marriage. Three years into our marriage I had accepted the fact that this is how it is and its not my place to say anything but they have ramped it up the closer his mother gets to retirement. I am distant from them and don't engage. It's a really toxic family environment. Their morals and the things they have done have only solidified me keeping my distance. He agrees that what his mother made him promise is greedy and messed up. They are not an immigrant family or come from a culture where that is normal but despite the fact that he is struggling with it/financially he continually gives his Mom money even when he has none. Every time anything happens with the money, it causes him anxiety, stress and strife which I have to deal with and support him through it but he doesn't see that he's allowing it. After the argument, he says he doesn't even want the money now. I'm convinced he is going to okay it instead of making the best decision for himself and getting an advisor. I can't continually give him an opinion when pressured and see how his family constantly makes him feel uncared for, unloved and taken advantage of while he allows it. If he gives his Mom and brother that lump sum of money that she desperately wants.. She will run out of it in a couple of years. She doesn't have the money to retire without it. She takes trips all of the time, drinks heavily daily and gambles. It's so bad that on his birthday he called her... she was drunk at the casino and said I have to go instead of talking to her son. 30 sec call He is putting his own future at risk and not thinking of our possible children. We were supposed to start trying for kids soon but I don't think I want to do that when he does not have boundaries financially or emotionally with his mother and values her feelings over anyone. His father was abusive towards his mother and "it was his job to protect his mother" after they split. He knows how I feel about this situation because he continually asks, but I haven't fully shared because I know it will cause a fight and nothing is going to change. He is going to be giving money to his Mom for the rest of his life because of her irresponsibility and the burden she's placed on him. I can't continue to watch this hurt him and him allow them to do it. I try to be as supportive as possible. I don't know what to do and I want to stay with him but I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life nor do I want him to. If she runs out of that money and needs someone to take care of her, I will not be doing it or have anything to do with it. We want kids but I am not comfortable with him not providing towards our children's future in favor of his mother and I know he will. If something doesn't change, I cannot continue to do this. His mother knows it's wrong because she literally put into the prenup that she wrote that I cannot do exactly what she's doing. I don't know how to tell all of that to my husband without hurting his feelings and causing him even more stress. We have had multiple issues in the past that were caused by his family's unhealthy dynamic. He either walks all over people or let people walk all over him. This is not something that I ever thought I would have to deal with or be adjacent to as my family has always instilled that we are all responsible for our own well-being. You help down not up. My family members that are retired did so by their own merit or inheritance. Not stealing their children's. Am I biased? Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do I tell my husband how I feel without furthering his stress?