TLDR: I (<30) told my spouse (<30) I've been anxious about letting our cat go outside for he might get lost, which he eventually has, and so far he hasn't returned and my spouse doesn't want us both in the same bed.

For further details: for 6 years, our cats lived with us in a flat. Last year, my spouse and I got married, a few months after we had moved in our newly built house with a garden, which now (roughly a week ago) just got a small terrace.

Let's start then: the weather is currently sunny, and my spouse, being at home for the time being, thinks it's time for our cats to touch some grass for once. Each of us knew cats who never came back home before we met. And when we did meet, I was just living through some traumatizing times, which included cats vanishing, among many other things. So that makes me feel really scared to think of one of our more adventurous pets, not exactly the type to easily come to you when you call him, just running away. I tell my spouse just that.

Luckily we're living practically in a suburb, with not so many cars and even less high-speed roads around. But a lot of gardens, open-wide fields nearby, and there are actually quite a lot of cats who live here. Which translates as a lot of places to hide. For two days, under our watch, the cat was just able to get to the fence of our garden, and from the window we could see him reach our neighbors', two houses away, before coming back in after just a few minutes.

My anguish slightly got on my spouse's nerves though, saying I was over-reacting, and then I didn't feel listened at all, but we agreed to not be taking that kind of risk for days when at least one of us wasn't fully at home. But I sensed I also had to let a chance for this to work out nicely. I was even trusting enough, before leaving for work this last Tuesday, to have my spouse let the cats enjoy just the morning outside as my spouse planned to do some window cleaning anyway, before going for groceries in the afternoon.

You bet it: that one cat didn't come back as expected, and still hasn't since. For the next two evenings, I've spent two hours each in the dark, looking for him. Whistling, literally cat-calling, shaking a couple of laser pens, or sweets, nothing has worked thus far. For the past couple of days, I've seen my spouse feeling guilty and shaking in spite of their put-on good face. So I didn't jump right away on the occasion to say "Told you" and blame them. I let them a note before my shift telling they must first and foremost pardon themselves, no matter what; I told them those things just happen and it's fully part of the game, the kind of speech I usually tell myself to relax…

After three whole days without any trace of him yet, I'm still just as anxious. My spouse senses it. I choose to play the honest card and say, softly: "I was thinking about what we said last week. It kills me to think it, and I wish I wasn't but… I was right." Shut down, I see them losing any spark left in their eyes. I suggest, in order to get some fresh air and clear head, they go looking out this night, in case they'd be more successful.

But it's clearly taken as a blame and punishment on their end. After 40 minutes maybe, they return home without the cat, just eager to go in bed, but not our usual one at first, rather the one in the spare room. On the way up, they congratulate me for getting my "revenge" and succeeding in making them awful.

So I ask: AITAH for being right from the start, taking the chance anyway with them, being honest about what I think of it, and not just go full out blaming it all on them, which some might arguably find rightful now?