For context, I feel like I’m being toxic and need advice on how to not be. My ex and I split up after a slow burn of more or less coexisting for a year instead of doing anything. She struggles with substance abuse issues and so did I. I got myself together, have been in therapy, got diagnosed with some stuff and have fought like hell to stay clean. My ex partner on the other hand, is still the type to just spend all their time not at work wasting away with weed video games and alcohol. I got her set up with a therapist who she saw once and never saw again. I tried helping her see a primary doctor and although she said she’d do it (I even offered to go with her so it’s less scary) she never actuually took action. For a long time I felt second to her addiction and her friends online. There was one girl in particular that was hyper flirty and sexual with us and it made me insecure. We talked it out and I was told she “meant nothing” and that there was “no interest”. So after a few weeks from when I broke up with her as I couldn’t keep living that way and felt myself withdrawing she went straight to this other girl. The breakup was amicable, we agreed to stay friends and I feel like we still can. However, I was vulnerable and told her that I missed talking to her regularly and that even though I felt like things weren’t that good romantically I still cared much for her. I was told she had been too busy and had too much going on to make time to talk and figure things out. We’re in a mutual discord server and I saw the two of them like together and I guarantee it was the same of what it always is. Substances and video games with online friends.

So I crashed out, left it, wiped my phone of any friendships that are like “fake” or feel toxic or whatever. Im trying to grow, be less codependent and I’m trying to mature a little.

I’m bipolar, I’ve been working on my meds but I’m in a state where I’m regularly destabilized. I go to therapy once a week, stay on my prescribed meds and don’t do recreational drugs (mostly weed) anymore.

I’m trying to be a better person, and feeling angry that someone who has every right to move on is doing so makes me feel like a bitch. How do I navigate this? How do I get thoughts about my ex being “a fucking liar” out of my head.