My husband and I have a rocky marriage. We are both parents to 1 child (toddler) with another on the way. It seems we never get along but we always seem to sleep in the same bed at night, we just don't go to sleep together. He plays video games until 12am then sleeps and gets ready for work and leaves before I wake up. This has been a reoccurring thing for the past few months. Im not sure how I feel about it but it allows me to get some uninterrupted sleep. He is a weed smoker but he mainly only does it from when we go to sleep till he goes to bed. A lot of the times we argue he tries to speak to me after and I always tell him I don't want to talk. I don't want to sound like I just want no part of him, he just has an explosive anger issue and refuses to seek help. He never hit me or our child, never punched a wall but he has stormed out and gone for walks or yelled in frustration. I tell him I don't love him and I wish he would just divorce me but something in me hopes he never does. We had a huge argument recently and he left for work very upset. When he came home, instead of sleeping like he normally does, he went into the room while i slept to grab something and woke our toddler, before putting him back to sleep by laying next to both of us, after, he waited awake for me to wake up and come to the living room so he can try and speak to me about it. I walked out the house telling him I don't want to talk about it, he followed me outside and (he has very bad volume control on his voice) basically annoyed to the world we were having problems. I know he means well but I don't want to talk to him. I told him I'm not happy, I don't know when I was ever happy with him and he got upset, muttered something under his breath and walked back inside.

I don't know why I say these things, if I meant it I would have filed for divorce but I also want to do it myself.

He's such a good father and really enjoys playing with out child and has even recently bought more toys they can play together. Typically when i get home it's about 4 or 5 and he's been home a few hours before. He let's me sneak in and shower and also let's our child see me and run to me after, he knows how much our child loves each of us

I don't know if I owe it to him or myself to file for divorce. He keeps saying marriage therapy but hasn't looked into it yet that I know of and has no health insurance for when he's sick.

He recently got Ill and was throwing up all night and when he's sick he feels like it's the end of the world. He called out very early in the morning while we slept in the bed and then came back to bed and fell back asleep. Once I woke up I gave our child to my mom because he was sick so he can rest, he let me know hes feeling better and did laundry (sheets)(mostly) by the time I was home.

He's slowly teaching our child how to throw the ball and even our little chihuahua loves him.

The problem i really have is I don't want him going back to his parents, when we were a few years in, he moved in because he got into a fight with his dad that ended in punches. To him it wasn't a big deal, that's just how they are but I didn't like it.

His parents put us in a group chat and recently they say some very rude things or give advice as more of a "do it this way" so I've been telling him how to reply.

Someday I just see him as a pure annoyance and a headache to deal with. Other days I love him. But after the last fight things are tense after the words I said.

Recently he asked if I still wanted to l Have him arrive for a teacher event today or if he shouldn't go because of the situation, i told him he can come but he has the bring our child.

Then shortly after, he messaged me about a payment we need to make for our fense being replaced and let me know he will play me back as we don't share a joint bank account. He sends me gas money and more if I ask. But due to the fight he's being very 1 work responses with me.

TLDR: AITH for telling my husband I don't love him and im not happy in anger after a fight?