I'm a pretty good person, I try very hard in life. I work full time from home, homeschool my two oldest kids and have a 4 year old autistic kid that needs a lot of attention. In other words, I'm tired. My father in law lives with us and I'm okay with it. He's in his 80s, fairly harmless and I really only see him at night at the dinner table. I've had a cordial but strained relationship with my MIL for the entire time I've known her. While we show face and don't argue, we couldn't be more different. She's in her 60s so a lot more lively then her ex husband and a real busy body. She loves erasing boundry lines. A few examples:

1. When my first daughter was born (we lived in the same state) she wouldn't call before coming over. She would just show up. Even if her son wasn't home. No knocking, she'd just walk in. I could be breastfeeding on the couch or the baby could be asleep and we had dogs that barked when people would walk in and wake her up. She didn't care. I told my (now) husband that I was uncomfortable with that and he had my back and told her. She immediately came at me and said her door is always open to us and ours should be to her bc she's family. I told her I'm a private person and I'd prefer she text first. She got super butt hurt and pouty.

2. She loves doing our laundry. Normally I wouldn't mind that, but she's weird about it. Once we all went to the beach and she did laundry after ward. I walked in and saw in the middle of the living room (with all the extended family there) her one piece swimsuit hanging on a hanger with my bikini top hanging through the crotch of her swimsuit. WTF! Ever since I've been telling her not to worry about our laundry but she continues to do it anyway. I had to start hiding my laundry in the closet. Last time she was in town I straight up told her I'm weird about other people washing my dirty clothes and that if she insists on doing our laundry she could do the kids. She got super pouty about that.

3. My (now) husband always carries a pocket knife and I mentioned that I wanted one bc I always use his. So for my birthday he got me a custom pink benchmade knife with my first and and his last name. Super sweet gift, we weren't married at the time and I just loved it. My husband and I were engaged for 5 or 6 years before we actually got married. We started talking about finally making it happen and I mentioned to my sister in law that we wanted a destination wedding and asked if she would consider traveling bc I'd like her to be a bridesmaid. No actual plans for a wedding. My sister in law mentioned to the MIL that we were thinking about it. (Thinking!) Well when I went to show my knife to the MIL she got really shitty about it when she saw his last name, glazed over and said "oh, so you guys got married?" (Which she knew wasn't the case) and I said "no but we were talking about getting married in a different state but don't have any actual plans yet." She's said "yeah I know I heard, guess you weren't going to tell me" as usually super pouty and butt hurt. (See the theme?)

She's invasive, pouty, rude, causes us anxiety and completely unaware of herself.

Anyway, her son and I have been together for 16years and there's been way more instances then I can share here. I don't have much family here and normally I'd love a grandma around to help, but shes more stressful then helpful. She only really interacts with the older two, she doesn't want anything to do with the 4 year old which is the one I could actually use help with.

Then, and this is the biggest part...she would need a job. Her, my husband, and his brother (they own a company together) all assume it's no big deal that she just work from my home WITH ME (not them) helping me doing accounting for our company. So while I have a hard time just being around her for short stints. Now they want her to be in my home every day and working hand in hand. Both brothers also find her exhausting and keep her at an arms length. Would I be the an A hole if I put my foot down? Keep in mind there would be a huge blow back from her and possibly the others...help!

Ps my husband is pretty great but it's his mom and he tries his hardest to keep the peace. So far he's trying to sell me on it with the positives. I really am not seeing any positives.

TLDR: my MIL has no boundaries, stresses me out, her ex husband already lives with us and now she wants to move down the street and work in my home every day with me while I homeschool. AITAH if I say no?