My(35) husband (33) has this one colleague(F22) who I until recently only considered as someone who is young and overcommunicating things. Now let's get to the point: my husband and I are 10 years together. He has never been a person who helps much around the house but up until we had kids (4&2 now) I really didn't mind it much. After having kids, au felt the burden of all housework and child raising mostly fell on me and I admit that O was a bit resentful. Still, nothing too crazy. The situation worsened when we had our second child and I was the only one getting up at night (keep in mind my kid was a difficult baby and I woke up every 15 mins with him each night and he still wakes up 1-2x per night even if it's been 2 years already). So, my husband is not involved at all at night and during a day if he is not at work, he is just "hiding" in his office room and either says he is working or he is just relaxing. Please keep in mind when I am going to work (3 days per week) he does everything regarding kids - same as me when he goes to work. Here we share the responsibility equally. He often talks about his girl co worker and tells me parts of stuff which she says which I believe are oversharing and weird. I just ignored it as I thought she is young. So when we went to the company trip and she was also there with her bf, I didn't expect much. I focused on my kids and didn't try to have a conversation with her. She did approach me to introduce herself and during these few minutes after I said I heard much about her she commented something like "I didn't hear nothing about you" and laught. I turned it into joke saint "well I guess my husband speaks more of his kids as they seem to be more interesting than me" and she just laughed and it was a done topic. I walked away after that to take care of my kids. Fast forward to two weeks ago, my husband starts going to work 1h earlier than usually saying how the train is full in the morning and he likes to work in the train. I was suggesting he buys a first class ticket so he can sleep more but he says it's fine to go earlier. He also keeps coming back home same time as before. So basically collecting overtime. He argues when he does home office with 1 kid he can't work as productive and He needs to catch up. Also fine. Then two weeks ago it's already almost 7:30pm and by that time he is usually already home for 45mins so I got worried and check his location thinking something might have happened to him. Location shows that he is next to the river. I text and ask where he is. He says on a bench next to the river and he also confirms he is alone. I am still very uneasy with this whole situation. He then says he is having a panic attack and he needed some fresh air and will be home soon. I was shocked and worried at the same time. He comes home ca. 2h later and instead of coming to bed he lays on the sofa in the living room. We did have a huge fight two weeks prior to this whole situation about him not helping at all and me needing help and what not. So now after he has been helping for two weeks he gets panick attacks. I asked for the reason for them. Because if you know a reason you can deal with it. (I also had them 6years ago and know until you don't deal with the root of the problem you can't function properly). He doesn't want to share the reason saying he doesn't know what causes them. I asked if I might be a trigger and he says it has nothing to do with me and we are fine. Now, yesterday he comes home with a sticker on his laptop and I ask about it. He doesn't want to say where he got it from and just smiles. I then ask if it's that female colleague and he says "you know it is. She is just weird like that. She came to me and just taped it on my laptop". I then say it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and he should take it off. This turns into a huge drama and he argues that I am being unreasonable and should trust him and I argue he is disrespectful and I don't trust her if she is so comfortable to tape her shit on his work laptop which he uses every day and looks at every day. I told him to drop it and go to sit on the balcony to cry it out. He comes and coerce me into discussing what's my problem and I tell him it's not just a sticker and how he has been a shity partner for past 5 years and I was a married single mother. Some stuff I said was hurtful to say outloud and I do regret it because I love this man but then again, I was hurt myself. I thought this was the end of it and today I sent him a text saying how I am sorry and how I love him and he should relax. I don't want him to have a panic attack again. (He removed the sticker).

It's 7:30pm and I am getting mentally ready to put kids to bed. Looking like trash myself with dirty jumper and jogging pants on. Doors open and here comes my husband telling me we have a visitor. You guessed it - it's this girl. I was dumbfounded and I just decide to be nice and talk to her as if she is my best friend and pretend. I didn't now what else to do. Apparently she found my husband in a park in front of the work office and he had a panic attack so she needed to bring him home because she was worried about him. I thanked her and 2 hours later she left. (My husband walked her back to the train station before coming back home). While she is very talkative kid and all that, I was very uncomfortable her being in my house. (You couldn't notice as I acted so nice). My husband sat the whole time at the opposite side of the table of me and his body was mostly facing her while sitting there. I lay attention to details like this so I was a bit surprised. He didn't say more than 10 sentences in these 2h. Just sat there all red in his face and quiet. He said he was tired. (She asked if he is okay and why his face is red). After walking her to the train station before and coming back he does to brush teeth (sitting on a toilet for half an hour which is not unusual for him) and I knock on the door asking if he is okay worried he might be having a panic attack. He says he is fine so I go to bed. 5 mins later he comes to the living room and back on the sofa. I wonder why but choose not to address it. Additional 5 mins later he comes to the bedroom and was like "sorry I thought yoh were sleeping". And I asked what was all that about and he just repeats the story she said. But the whole time looking somewhere else and not at me. Like he physically looked uncomfortable which is why I write tree this now. I believe they are both hiding something. I think he is being weird. Also, how could he bring home someone without giving me heads up. I could have been in my PJ when they arrived. Also, when I asked about it he said she wouldn't mind and it's okay. All of this is too comfortable for my taste and I don't know if it's my suspicion being wrong but I something stinks here.

And the the asshole for not trusting my husband even if he was fateful this whole time? He also claims he is a bit on the spectrum and doesn't understands all social cues but I sometimes think is he is just using it as an excuse