Well, recently I’ve been conflicted about how to act toward my mother. I, an 18-year-old woman, have discovered a reality I wasn’t aware of before. Since I was little, my mother would say that my father was oppressive and abusive, but now that I’ve developed some independence and my own judgment, I see that isn’t true.

My maternal grandparents have come to live with us, and since then, my mother has stopped fulfilling any parental responsibilities, like buying food. For years, I’ve been cooking, washing my clothes and dishes, and cleaning my room. I wake her up and used to make her breakfast so she could go to work, but lately, she’s been VERY stingy—and no, it’s not because she doesn’t have money, because she has plenty and keeps buying things for herself and her parents.

On top of that, after years of being hated by his three daughters (because his wife told us we had to hate him), my father has fallen into depression. Even now, despite living basically isolated and without the right to decide how to live in an apartment that he also pays for, my mother continues to lie about him.

I should also clarify that my father only wanted a good family and pushed my sisters to study so they could have a good future and, as he said, not depend on a husband. He also forbade certain friends—the kind who lead you to alcohol, drugs, and prostitution—but my mother disagreed and allowed my sister to do it, so she ended up pregnant at 15.

There’s much more to say, but it’s really too much in my head to write here. My question is: Am I being too harsh and disrespectful by judging my mother? (I should also mention that I’m almost certain she’s cheating on my father.)