40m 35f we’ve been together for 8 years married 3. She’s made boundaries since day 1 of not having people on social media that would make the other uncomfortable. If someone adds me I screenshot it and check with her if she knows them/her. We don’t go out very often due to work and having kids. We went out for our friends 40th birthday. His brother in law is a friend of ours also and he’s always out drinking and is a 100% an alcoholic F boy, he was drunk and randomly said “is your relationship good like it is ok she messages me all the time on snap and huh you know umm I think she wants it” I said oh she has you on snap I didn’t think you guys knew each other like that.
so when people went out of the bar to smoke, my buddy the bday guy was still sitting next to me, I asked my wife to come over (she was like 6 seats away at the bar) and asked to see her snap, who’s her top friends. She straight up said No about 30 times, I opened my snap up took a blank pic and went through my who list in front of her. I have nothing to hide…. so this was an instant red flag and I called her out for cheating or being shady. She ended up going to the bathroom and most likely deleting anything she could. So I left her at the bar and went home.

About 15-20 min I cooled down and I came back to support my friend and ended up having a good night without her(she was sitting outside). When I came back the dude said he was just messing around and he added her because she popped up (which he never added me) and that he made it all up there was nothing bad sent and was dumb things like pics of her nails being done. Video of My daughter scaring me etc like things she would put on her story. Same dude got in between his sister and my buddy(birthday dude) when they were getting married saying dumb things like you sure you wanna marry her and other things, he is known for starting random problems with people …BUT… my wife deleted everything (I think) and I never got to see anything so I’m holding a grudge a month later that there could of been sexual things with him or other guys. She said she didn’t show me because I would be mad she added him back. Which I would have because of the boundaries she makes and I’ve randomly seen her flirt with him in front of me. Would I be the A hole to ask her randomly to show me her snap when we’re sitting at home. I’ve never been the guy to worry or go through phones or her watch. She use to constantly check my phone or watch even while sleeping. I still got this gut feeling there’s something.