I (29F) am the mom of 3 kids: Anna (4F), Harry (2M) and Jessica (8mo F).

We have the best next door neighbors in the whole world who we consider family. The mom and I have basically identical parenting styles, so we parent each other's children and it generally always aligns with what the other would have done. Her kids are Dianna (13F), John (10M), Natalie (9F), Hank (3M) and 2 step kids who visit on weekends Melissa (9F) and Taylor (11F).

Everyday I am beyond thankful for our arrangement and love all these kids as if they're my own. They spend pretty much every day at our house and I have had no complaints. They're all incredibly well behaved kids who understand the importance of safety and for the most part follow all of my rules.

Now to the issue. We have a smart home which consists of an Alexa in every room, smart lights, smart locks, security cameras in all the rooms, etc. Recently, John and Natalie have discovered they can play with Alexa, turning the lights on and off, blasting random music in different rooms, playing pranks on the kids in other rooms by turning off the lights or blasting a funny song, etc. it's gotten a little bit excessive, which slightly bothered me but I just told them to keep the lights on, keep the volume down on the music, and stay out of the kitchen when I'm cooking and for the most part everything has been fine. A little over a week ago, my kids: Harry and Anna got a giant bean bag chair and a really cool bunk bed. I put twinkle lights on it, decorated it, the whole shebang and put glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. It has prompted all the kids to want to play in the bedroom rather than the playroom where all the toys are. It's fine with me if they play in there, but suddenly, their play consists of closing the door, turning off the lights, and playing music in there. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Again, these are the sweetest kids in the whole world. They're all under the age of puberty and they are well aware of the camera in the room that records everything. I've never worried about what is happening in there, and am usually watching the cameras so I know it's not like they're trying to get away with something naughty, they just enjoy how cozy the room is and want to experience the full effect.

All that being said, over the past week, I have been constantly going in, turning the light back on, opening the door and reminding them that in my house we keep doors open and lights on. I've been trying to come up with reasons for it other than "it makes me uncomfortable" but I really can't. I guess I'm trying to lay the ground work for once the older kids are in/past puberty when it would be incredibly inappropriate to do these things, but at the same time, right now, there's really no reason other than my feelings about it.

I realized today that my mom always had those rules growing up in her house as well. Lights stay on, bedroom doors stay open, and bathroom doors stay unlocked. I'm starting to feel like a nagging annoying mom because of how many times I've told them, and I don't want to be that person. I haven't talked to their mom about it yet because I honestly feel like I'm being unreasonable since I don't really have a reason for it.

The twinkle lights keep the room lit enough that it's not a safety hazard, the camera works even with the lights off, and the music they're playing is like calming meditation music. They bring in blankets and pillows and sprawl around the room enjoying the tranquility. So, am I being an unreasonable asshole?

EDIT: I feel compelled to mention that we have used ring cameras as baby monitors since day 1 with our kids. My oldest (Anna) is only 4, and high functioning on the spectrum. By her choice, She shares a room with my 2 year old (Harry) who has a plethora of medical issues which require us to be monitoring him 24/7 in case we need to rush him to the ER. I will absolutely not be having the cameras in their room once they are old enough for privacy and Harry is able to communicate when his body is not ok. In the meantime, it's the only way my husband and I feel comfortable letting them sleep in their own room or have any alone time.