My partner (30M) and I (27N) continuously argue over his dad using him and not taking care of himself. Last year his dad (56) lost his job for stealing from the place he had worked for 12 years, and he struggled to find a job after getting the theft charge, so he just gave up trying, sold his car, and bought a PlayStation 5, and without having any kind of conversation about just assumed my partner would start taking care of the bills. Didn't tell us when the power needed to be paid, so the power shut off on us while in the dads name, and we had to pay almost $600 to get the power turned back on. Didn't tell us about five year of unpaid taxes on the house, and when we finally managed to see one of the letters the states lawers were sending us, now we have to pay $1051 a month to keep the house from being sold out from under us. If we miss a single payment, or are even late by a day, they could take the whole house the very next day since we are already five years past due. So, I sat down with my partner and told him that until the house is paid off, and we are sure that we can keep the house, I don't want him buying any extra food for his dad. We already get meals, which the dad makes, and then we all share. Only the dad will eat all the leftovers on his own. I'm talking we make two whole packs of hotdogs (because I like turkey but beef upsets my stomach, and they like beef) I will get two turkey hotdogs, my partner will take two beef hotdogs, and that's all we get. By halfway through the next day BOTH ENTIRE packages of leftover hotdogs will have been eaten by the dad, so he is by no means starving. But I don't want any extra money going towards feeding him, when he, the dad, is a capable adult who lost his job for his own illegal actions, and can take care of himself, AND is costing us a huge sum of money. One of the times the fight happened when my partner tried to buy three pizzas, and I told him that he can't buy a whole pizza for his dad, but his dad is welcome to the leftovers. His dad and I both like pineapple pizza and I can't eat more than about two to three pieces at a time, so even his dad having the leftovers would be enough food for his dad for one meal. But instead my partner went quiet and no one got pizza that night. Well then last night he and I had pizza without getting one for his dad, so I thought we had finally come to an understanding. But today we went out to do errands and the first food object my partner goes to put in the cart is a bag of chips for his dad (this has happened before, where the first thing he goes to put in the cart is for his dad, not for us). I asked why he was doing that when I said he needs to wait for that until after the house is paid off, he said it's his money and he will do what he wants with it. Now why I disagree with that is when I worked as a model and we lived in a trailer I would being home over $500 in one weekend every single penny I had went into our relationship, things like milk for him (he can't go a day without milk) and gas to get him to work, and food for both of us. I almost never brought myself treats or what I wanted with my money, just what was needed. So why is my money considered our money, but his money is just his money? I'm disabled now and can't work, so I'm waiting on disability to come through, but even that would go towards both of our lives if I get it, so it's unfair to me that he's allowed to electively get whatever he wants, when its for someone who has put us in a bad situation and who has otherwise been mean and nasty to both of us since we've all lived together (for example throwing objects at us and our dogs and our bedroom wall, turning a leaf blower on in the house when I was sleeping, locking me out of the house when I go out to grab mail, eating our food without asking if he could have it to the point where we had to start keeping all our snacks and dry foods in our bedroom just so we have something to eat, and much more) AND all this when we aren't even sure if we will have a roof over out heads for more than another montn, due to the fathers actions of not paying the taxes for five whole years, which is before we even moved here, so it's not like our moving here caused a financial strain the would make the taxes go unpaid. And it wasn't just due to financial issues either, he just didn't pay because he didn't want to. He could afford HBO, hoards of packages from Amazon, a new PlayStation 5, and a new computer all in the time we've lived here, so he could have put that money towards the taxes. The biggest kicker- when my partner told his dad that we got a letter from lawyers stating that if we didn't pay a thousand a month they would take the house, the dad literally laughed and said "don't pay them, or if you are gonna pay them only give them $200 a month". When we budgeted out how to afford the thousand dollar payments- it left ys with $8-&45 dollars for food a month. A MONTH. I've been trying to find food pantries, and I managed to get to one with the help of a case worker, but that's how much we are struggling to afford food, so even two dollars for a bag of chips for his dad could be cutting into our food budget by and entire 1/4. Am I the asshole here?