I knew something was up when I saw Mario wearing deodorant for once.

It started like any other day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Explosions in the distance. Toad screaming about taxes. I was just looking for my spaghetti leftovers in the fridge when I heard... giggles.

Suspicious giggles.

I crept toward the living room, socked feet sliding across the floor like Solid Snake. The noise was coming from the couch. I peered around the corner...

And there they were.

Mario and Meggy.
LOCKED.
IN.
A. LIP-LOCK.

I screamed.
Meggy screamed.
Mario screamed, but choked halfway because he inhaled a ravioli mid-smooch.

“LUIGI?!” Mario gasped, spaghetti sauce on his shirt and sin in his eyes.

“What in the name of Bowser’s butt is going on here?!” I yelled, waving a plunger dramatically.

Meggy tried to explain. “It just… happened! We were talking about turf wars and then—boom—feelings!”

Mario just stared like a Goomba in headlights.

I was stunned. Betrayed. Emotionally bamboozled.
My bro. With Meggy.
MY SQUADMATE.
Was nothing sacred?!

I ran outside, dramatically dropping my plunger like a microphone. Toadsworth saw me and thought I was having a mid-life crisis. Maybe I was.

Later that night, Mario found me sitting on the roof eating raw spaghetti.

He sat beside me.

“I-a didn’t want to tell you like this, bro,” he said quietly. “But... I really like her. And she makes me want to be less... y’know, stupid.”

I blinked.

“That’s impossible.”

“I said less stupid.”

We both laughed.

Eventually, I sighed. “Fine. But if you break her heart, I will break your kneecaps.”

He nodded solemnly. “That’s fair.”