I have never posted in here before made this acct strictly to ask on here because I’m too embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in real life. Sorry if I ramble, it’s my first time! I’m changing some details for anonymity but the issue is mostly accurate.

My bf and I both 31yo have been together for a little over 3 years. I have 2 children from a previous relationship and he doesn’t have any kids. He’d never been in a serious or long term relationship before me due to his career he’s very successful in his field and has been pretty stable since a young age all thanks to sacrificing his social life pretty much up until we met. There were some learning curves at the beginning of our relationship but we’ve managed to overcome so many obstacles and I can genuinely say we had such a healthy relationship with mutual respect for each other and a deep deep bond/love. The thing is, I was a young mom, and grew up in a pretty unstable household and experienced a lot at a young age.

After I left my kids father I vowed to not have anymore children unless I was in a healthy long term stable relationship and of course, married as I didn’t want my kids to experience what I did, and didn’t want future kids to experience what my children did growing up with parents with an unstable relationship. I crave stability and commitment and expressed this to my bf FROM THE BEGINNING. This is important because during the early stage of our relationship we talked about our hopes and dreams, and expectations for our future partner.

He always expressed how important it was that his partner understand what his career means to him and how hard he needs to work to continue to be successful and in other words, work might always come first. And I said what I did about not wanting to bring a man into my and my children’s lives that wasn’t in it for the long run. For 3 years this worked, he’s an amazing step father, we now live together, and I have gotten used to his career and am now a SAHM and enjoy supporting him through his very busy schedule.

I am also 6 months pregnant now. When we found out, we were shocked because I was on birth control AND we used protection but we didn’t dwell on it too long and decided we wanted to keep it. I brought up the topic of marriage and reminded him that mt expectations had not changed and I would like to be married before our baby is born. This conversation did not go well and tbh I was shocked that he was shocked because I’ve never stopped talking about this.

This has always been an ongoing topic and if I’m being honest before we found out I was pregnant I assumed he’d be proposing soon because of other conversations we’d been having at the time. Long story short, we agreed to at least be engaged before the baby was born and would plan a wedding once we settled into our new normal. Christmas, New Years, our anniversary, Valentine’s Day, my birthday all came and left and I was disappointed because every special occasion I assumed he’d be proposing passed us by and it didn’t happen.

I started to get antsy and brought the topic up again and surprise surprise. It didn’t go well. He talked about how work hasn’t been going well (I had no idea) and how stressed he is about being a provider, he mentioned resenting that I get to be home with our baby in a few months and all the time he’s going to miss having to work so much (mind you-this is something he used to love doing and never did complained before) and in the end said he still planned to get married but didn’t want to propose now that his career was struggling. I want to be supportive. I do.

But I feel so betrayed, I feel like a fool all those times I was so sure it was coming to now knowing that he never even bought a ring. I told him how hurt I was and that while I understood it didn’t change how hurt I was and that I felt like now I couldn’t trust him and especially knowing how much he already resents me for something that hasn’t even happened yet was all really alarming to me and I could feel the rug being pulled from underneath me. I am not a SAHM because I chose to be, I had a career too, and gave it up because he needed the support and i was happy to do that for him.

I reminded him as such and said that if he can’t guarantee me that stability he’s promised me all these years and was willing to make that choice without discussing it with me that I didn’t think I could trust him anymore. We’ve been avoiding each other for days and I came to the conclusion that I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. It’s the principal, because of everything I was willing to do to respect his lifestyle and support his career just for him to change his mind when it was his turn to hold his end of the deal. I just don’t see myself getting past that. Now he’s backtracking saying he never said we weren’t going to get married just that we wouldn’t be engaged during this pregnancy. Which doesn’t change anything for me tbh because if he lied to me once already why wouldn’t he be lying again.

He’s saying I am breaking up our family and accusing me of not loving him and calling me selfish. I don’t doubt that I’m capable of being a single parent, I was one for many years before him, and have the type of career where it wouldn’t be difficult to go back to work. I offered to co parent our baby and told him I wouldn’t keep him from doc visits for the remainder of our pregnancy but need space from him and need to start planning ahead for our child’s best interest. He’s so upset and I feel bad, but also feel like even if he proposed now, it wouldn’t mean anything to me anymore.

The dream is tainted and I would never know if he did it out of love or desperation and I don’t want to take that risk. He hasn’t moved out and we’re living like strangers, I can see he’s miserable and when we do talk he tries to make me feel guilty for “breaking up our family” we haven’t told our friends or families anything and before me make any bigger moves, or before I regret this, I want to know, AITA?