My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I have an anxious attachment style, and he’s more avoidant. Every time we argue, I want closeness and reassurance, but he pulls away and shuts down.

We can’t really fix things over text—he gets super cold, distant, or doesn’t reply at all. But when I go to his place and we talk in person, we usually fix things right away. He told me that in texts, he can hide his emotions well, but face-to-face, he can’t pretend or hold back—he even said he can’t resist me or stay mad when I’m physically there. Right now, we just had an argument, and it’s been 2 days of him being cold again. I’m giving him space, but I couldn’t visit him this time because he’s out of town.

What I’ve noticed:

When I get emotional and lash out, he shuts down completely.

When I speak calmly and ask nicely, he sometimes reassures me, but not always.

He needs space, but I need connection—and it’s hard to balance.

I know he loves me, and I want to help him feel safe emotionally. But…

How do I avoid triggering his avoidant side? And how can I get my needs met without pushing him away?