Hi I don’t know if this is the right place but I need unbiased opinions….

My husband (35M) and I (35F) are separated. It was out of the blue for me and left me an emotional state for a solid three months. I’m still angry and upset now but we’ve got two kids (5m and 2f) I’m primary carer for so I need to keep my shit together for them and myself.

We’re relatively civil and he can visit the kids whenever he wants, he’s moved out of the family home so I could apply for financial support (I’m a part time nurse and mum of two - not very tempting to mortgage lenders!).

Anyway, discussions have come up about selling the house as he can’t afford the new mortgage to buy me out. I mentioned how the deposit was mine (partly my savings and some money from grandad who stated it’s come from my part of his inheritance) and since we’re selling the house I’d want it back. He was not happy about this and went into an argument about it being ‘our’ money and I had no proof and I’d be leaving him financially struggling…. I struggle to see how that would be the case as this man has been able to remain full time our entire relationship, including when I went part time to be home with the children so childcare wasn’t as expensive and has just recently had another promotion to regional manager! He once told me what he has in his savings and believe me, he’s got a LOT more than me in savings. Which is to be expected when you work and earn more so can put more away….

I originally backed down as I hated fighting with him and hated the mood it left me in to then put the kids to bed. I honestly don’t recognise this man anymore and I never thought we’d fight over money…… But the more I’ve thought about things the more I want to challenge the deposit again with him. I’ll obviously get half of it back on the equity once the sale goes through but I want to ask for the rest too. I want to offer the fair option of if he can prove he needs the full equity amount including half of my deposit for a house appropriate for him and the kids I’ll back down. Because then the moneys going towards a home for him for the kids and that’s ok. However if he doesn’t need my deposit (10K) to help get the house then I’d like it back because I will need it. I have less savings than him, I’m still part time as it works well around my daughter’s nursery days and I’m looking at having to go shared ownership on a house. I feel like I’m being greedy but this money was my grandads, which if I hadn’t needed, I would get once he passes away. If he needs it to buy the new home I’ll accept that because it’ll be going towards the kid’s home with him too. But if he doesn’t, I feel frustrated at the thought of him saving it for himself when I could be using it to put more down on a home or looking into a newer car for my ever growing children (they’re going to be tall!)

So with all that in mind, would it be fair of me to ask about the deposit again? Am i being selfish or should I be fighting for my inheritance?