Am i the AH for canceling easter? (I copy and pasted some of our text at the end of the post)

For the last 4 years i have been trying to cancel holidays with my family. Every year my mom and i talk and she says "next year you can do your own thing". Then the holdiays come and she says something to convice me to go. She does this with many things. Last holidays she used my grandma being sick to guilt trip into going, and i caved in. ( i talk to my grandma outside of holidays, so she has no reason to use that as a way to get me to go to holidays. ) Every year she uses something different to get her way.

I always end up listening to her, because she makes me feel terrible for doing what i want in life.
She has done this with my friend choices (she used to make fun of them for not being pretty and popular, and say "you used to hangout with the popular kids" , my career choices (i was in school for human services, and she said it was a bad career choice and talked down on it), she calls my hobbies weird, she talks bad about my parenting choices... i even had to stop letting her come to my house, because she kept telling me how to decorate my house (not suggesting, but telling me what to do and being overly judgmental).

This year i have been working on keeping my boundaries.

I don't want to go to easter, because of how ive been treated for years now. My family, especially my mom has made rude comments to me that made me feel bad about myself. A couple years ago i overheard my aunt making a comment about my kids. When my kids walked into her house she, in a very annoyed voice said to another family member "here comes the snot nosed kids", and then she and the family member laughed. Throughout the day she continued making rude comments to me. She even said " why didnt you bring any gifts are you poor" (i gave my gifts to my nieces and nephews before we went to her house). They come off to me, as being very high class, rich , and stuck up . Id argue that my family is one of the richest families in my city , they are in the top 1% of earners (well were before the FBI busted them for fraud). One time my little sister dressed up for halloween and i heard my grandma mumble " you guys are all weird" (my siblings and i). She said it as if she was appalled and disgusted that my sister dressed up for Halloween.
When i got a tattoo some of my family told me i look like a gang member now, my uncle in front of everyone said "now no one will ever hire you". Then asked my aunt "would you hire her" and my aunt very snarky said "no". I was so embarrassed. When i had my son my family did not call or text me to say congratulations, pretty much the only time they talk to me is when they are talking down on me.

My experiences with my family have caused me to feel extremely uncomfortable around them, even years later. I have been going to holidays to keep the peace, but this year i told my mom My family and i would not be going to easter. Every single year i go around my family i sit in the corner and dont talk to anyone. The whole time i'm uncomfortable and waiting to leave. I decided I'm starting a new tradition. Saturday I'm taking them to my dads house, we're having a cook out and doing an easter egg for all the little kids. On easter Sunday Im going to go to the local curch, do an easter egg hunt, then cook food and spend time with my SO and our kids for the day. These are major memories for me with my kids, and i should be able to enjoy the holdiays with my kids, and give them the best day ever.

To make it even, I told my mom i could bring the kids to her house the day before to do easter stuff this way she can spend time with them.

She responded, and of course used the "you're splitting the family apart" card to try to get me to do as she wants, and i respoded calling her a narcissist. I called her a narcissist, because she does this all the time. She tries to argue almost any and everything that i do in my life. I am practicing setting strong boundaries this whole year.

This sent us on a spiral that ended in a long back and forth fight.

She claims im being selfish for doing what i want with my kids, even though i gave her the option to spend time with them for easter, just not how she wants to. I will copy and paste some of our texts because i can't post screen shots. Some text have been left out, because there was so much back and forth. I narrowed the text down to a few texts to get to the point and highlight the basis of the convo.. please tell me. Am i being the AO and am i the one in the wrong?

Me: We decided our plans tor Easter. We're gonna do all our Easter's on Saturday. We're going to come to your house do their baskets ,And then go to dads house. That way they will do their easter egg hunt at dads and get to spend time with you. Maybe i can drop them off early saturday at like 11, and you guys can dye eggs and do baskets.

My mom: you just don't wanna come here because the family's gonna be here. I want MY family here with me and you could come for a couple hours and leave and go do whatever it's a holiday I'm cooking and I'm making a lot of food everybody's coming over. I've hosted Easter for how many years now all of a sudden now you're gonna go do something else so my family gets split apart?

Me: Omg your such a narcissist Your trying to guilt trip me and make me feel bad so i do what you want. Its narcissistic because you can never just say "okay thats fine" You always have to try to make me feel bad

Mom: And you obviously think about yourself because you're keeping your kids away from a day that you know godd*mn well they would have fun running around and playing with their cousins and being at my house. They enjoy it and you know that you're keeping them away from me on a major holiday, when we're all together since you were born. because you're thinking about yourself SO who's being narcissist?

Me: Last year you used grandma being sick to guilt trip me into going You always try to make me feel bad. I shouldn't have to feel bad . I should just be able to do what i want and be happy about it. I shouldn't have to feel like im doing something wrong, because you put it into my head that im doing something wrong

Mom: I would feel bad I wouldn't wanna tell my mom. "Hey we're not coming for Easter one of the major holidays that you host that you love" yeah,I guess we're different. It's not guilt tripping. I am just telling you how what you're doing Makes me feel. bottom line, that's it. I have the right to let you know how it makes me feel.

Me: Okay but me choosing to do easter the way i want isnt about you, And i said they could see you for easter, you just want it to be your way.

Mom: Sometimes you do things in life for other people it’s not all about your godd@mn fckng self

Me: So should i just keep doing what you want, being unhappy every single year to satisfy you? Is that what your asking? Would you rather me do what makes me happy, and still give my kids a great holiday.. and be able to enjoy the holidays like you did for 50 years Or should i continue to be miserable every holiday. ( and i went on to explain how my mom got to choose how she did her holdiays and i get to do the same).

Mom: Your kids are not older. They are Little and you know gdd@mn well that you went to Easter till you were out of fuking high school school till this year because that's normal. You know that families get together quit acting like they don't.

I'm not having a hard time with (my sister) , not being here. I'm not having a hard time that (my brother)__ and (brothers fiancé)__ can't make it because they have a good reason. You just don't wanna come so you keep the kids away from me, but . (brother)_ and (brothers fiance)_ at least they're gonna drop _(my nephew) off because they want him to be able to have Easter with his grandma and family. You don't seem to see that. you're the only one that thinks the way that you do so I'm not gonna sit here and try to convince someone who sees the world completely different .And not different in a good way. And l'm not the only one that thinks this way, why don't you ask dad what he thinks of how you see the world. I'm just the only one that says anything to you

Me : It doesnt mater if im the only one who thinks this way. What does that matter. Im my own person. You guys are some of the most judgmental people i know ,so i could care less. You guys think your better than everyone. You talk crap about almost everyone you know. You make fun of people all the time. I could care less what people like that think of me.

Me: I thought my plan was a good plan. I purposely thought it out and worded it the way i did, because i knew if i didnt youd blow up on me and it would end in an argument. I made sure to let you know the kids could see you, and celebrate easter with you Saturday. That way you dont feel like you missed them on easter.

Mom: Your plan is telling me how I’m gonna do my Easter. You’re telling me that I can do my Easter with your kids the day before or not at all. I don’t wanna do Easter two days in a row. It’s not a holiday like that for me. I have a lot to do Saturday and I don’t have time to do something with your kids. A compromise would’ve been more like you letting the kids come over like (my nephew) for a couple of hours. It would not have interrupted your day at All, but you don’t want to compromise. You want it your way or no way

Me : No. my plan is telling you how im gonna do my easter, and making sure to include you in it so you get to spend time with them. Its nothing more or less than that. They are my kids. This is my family. I get to make my own choices with my kids.

Ultimately , i ended up compromising and im gonna take my kids to her house at 10 on easter before her family arrives. They will get their baskets and see my mom. Then we will go do our own thing.