I’m gonna start off by saying I’m not the ass hole and I know that, atleast I hope you agree… I don’t think he is either. But think we both have some part into what happened but here’s what’s going on. I m(23) have been dating my partner (m21) for over two years. We had a rocky start, I got too drunk with my friend group one night and one of my friends made a pass at me. Nothing happened, I then stopped seeing these friends and l I told him the next day which hurt him. A couple months later I was going through X and I dm’d an account and instantly regretted it so I did nothing of it but he saw it and confronted me, things were rocky at first but we were both very young at the time and I felt like a horrible person. From that point I was dedicated and fully invested into our relationship. We have been talking about marriage lately, from the previous statements you might assume that we are immature and that marriage for us is a dumb idea, I will be delaying it for sure. But this was the two worst things in our relationship the rest has been amazing we respect each other care about each other are close to each others families and we’re pretty intelligent, both psychology majors. Zoom forward to a year and a half later and we’re having the worst week our relationship has had to deal with. He went through my phone and he saw that I was sexting other men when we were in the talking stage, I had lied about it because I thought it unnecessary to bring up, we weren’t official and I liked the romantic version more than the real story. He hid that he saw it from me but it shattered his trust and made it contemplate my loyalty, looking back at it there were signs he wasn’t happy with me but I can be oblivious to those things, he’s more emotionally regulated then me which makes him significantly less transparent then me. He posted on a gay Reddit group (now deleted) pictures of himself seeking validation (all pg) but the comments got a bit concerning, people were calling him sexy and he was entertaining it, not flirting back but thanking them. Which threw me off so I made a Reddit account used some guys pictures I knew would be of his type and started praising him as being sexy and he was entertaining it asking for his IG to get to know him better on there and possibly go on a date. This broke me, my trust, and I’ve been shaking ever since imagining what he felt when he was typing this, he admitted to contemplating it but still did it. It was about 8 texts back and forth for an hour and then he deleted his Reddit saying he didn’t recognize himself, how he was acting and hated himself for it, justifiably so because these actions were completely not reflective of who I think he is or the values he’s established. I’ve been the one to mess up in the past and I don’t know how to handle the position he’s put me into, one he was good to be when I placed him in. He’s been supportive, honest and apologetic, he’s trying to support me and I know he feels terrible, I decided to stay, but I can’t guilt him forever for what he did if I CHOOSE to stay. I don’t really use Reddit but I’ve read these threads and people are usually pretty intellectual on here, perhaps there’s some advice to be given. We’re both using our respective universities counselling next week both having made a session, he slept over yesterday we talked for hours and it felt back to normal. But what felt surreal kept me up when I processed it last night and idk how to move on. I know there are much bigger problems on here and this might seem trivial, but I thought if you spend the time to read this and have something to say I’d be interested in hearing it