I have been friends with this person for many years. This person (late 30s because i dont want to give too many specifics) had always mentioned that his father was a terrible, garbage person who never accepted his lifestyle (partying) and that he hated him. Not exactly a "beat my family" type but a generally mean and emotionally abusive dude. Which is still profoundly bad.

He would often tell me that he couldn't wait for his father to die because he was willed his fathers house and the property value in that city had been sky rocketing for the last year or so. He said it would be a great relief and weight off of his shoulders when he was gone.

I would on many occasions, gently tell him that he, "doesn't really mean that" and "you will regret saying this". He would just remind me that the only reason he even occationally answered his dad's calls was to ensure he would get that house when his father died.

This person's father had been very sick and alone with nothing but his dog for years. His mother died many years before so his dad lived in a house all alone with a colostomy bag that would often leak, chain smoking, couldn't drive himself to the grocery store...

I met the father one time. The house smelled like poop, urine, smoke, dog. Obviously this man was in no condition to be able to keep up with the routine household chores. After we left there I was astounded that my friend would let him live in such a way.

I tried to suggest to him that he could do some little things such a bring a few groceries or wash the clothes or soiled bedsheets or just sit with him and that I would come and help... he declined saying that he didnt deserve any of that.

Im not saying that the man did or did not deserve to have his son be there. In all fairness i wasnt a witness to this mans childhood and its not my place to decide how he feels. I just gave my advice based on my own feelings.

After the father's dog died, he tried to commit suicide once or twice. My friend responded to this as though it was a terrible burden despite never visiting him once... what burden? The call from the hospital?

There were many many occasions that I plead with him to try and talk to his dad or if not that then just give him some help. I told him that no matter how much hatred he feels for his father that he is sure to be haunted with the knowledge that he let his father suffer alone and in unsanitary conditions and hungry for 12 years... after one of these talks he got him a couple of ubers to and from the grocery store.

One day a few years after meeting the father maybe 4 years... I got a text from my friend. His father was dead. I congratulated him.

He said, "what?".

I said, "you have waited a long time for this and I'm happy for you. Does it feel as good as you thought it would?"

He said that it didn't feel the way he thought it would...

I asked him, "how does it feel?"

He said, "weirdly sad"

I told him that I am sorry to hear that and would help him with whatever he needed. He had me and some of his friends over to the house right before it was to be sold and had a farewell party.

It was nice... But I am the asshole. I already know that. There was just some selfish part of me that wanted him to remember what he did or refused to do while his father was alive. He texted me wanting pity and comfort for losing the man he so callously refused to provide even a single SHRED of pity and or comfort for ALMOST 2 DECADES!!

I was a selfish and bad friend wanting revenge for the mistreatment of a dead man. He needed comfort from a friend not an "I told you so"...

Revenge is always wrong and always ugly. So was i.