The friendship had started at around ages 7/8 and ended around ages 14/15, we met at communion lessons at church, i always remember the second day i came in i was the last person to come in and i was all shy while this one random girl was smiling at me and told me she saved me a seat next to her as she pats the seat, from then on we were besties, we got our parents to exchange skypes and we would skype alllll the time, all day everyday, we would have skype sessions which would last days, just leaving the laptop on mute while we were asleep and waited for each other to wake up and would continue talking, playing games ect.

We lived quite close to each other, maybe a 10 min walk away, so we would meet up either at each others houses, parks, shopping centres and places nearby we could chill in and hangout, i even remember going swimming, gym together and much more, our parents became close due to us which only made us closer and would end up taking the other on trips, holidays or to watch a movie together ect.

Overall the one main thing i remember is that it was always us, yes we had friends in primary and secondary school ( we went to different schools) but they always stayed as that, i knew of her secondary friends she knew mine, which on each side was 2 people, but they were never in the picture, we would hear about them when talking about our day but that’s it, they were our friends in school, nothing to do with outside of school as we had each other and that’s how it had always been, me and my bestie and only us, until she had introduced me to someone. Now this girl had joined my besties secondary school for less than a month and then changed schools again, while in the first school with my bestie, they became besties too, now i didn’t feel any type of way about it i was interested in meeting her after hearing about her and yes she was interesting, she was an international student who’s family came to live in the UK again, she was a bubbly person and very talkative which i loved, we all became good friends.

This new bestie had introduced me into the world of k-pop and events that are happening here in the UK for them to be able to meet new people and have fun which i happened to enjoy a lot, during this time i also met new besties friend group in her new school which i had made good friends with and loved them so much. Atp my bestie had taken a mental break where she wanted to focus on herself and not talk to anyone for a while, i let her have her space and during that time i had been going out to town which was a new scary thing for me as i had never gone to town without my parents and the last time i had gone to town was when i was 5 maybe, very young basically, so this was an exciting moment for me to feel all grown up and go out with friends to town to meet others in what was called a Random Dance Meet-up, this involved a playlist of songs playing main clips of k-pop songs where if someone knows the song they jump into the middle and do the dance, at the very beginning i knew of only 3 dances which were the very basic ones like love shot, bang bang bang and i think a BTS song but yhhh i just stood and watched and learned from others and learned at home for the next event, but during these events i had made so many new friends and met so many new amazing people which really helped me with stepping out of my safe bubble which me and my bestie had kept ourselves in since we were kids.

Speaking of, eventually my bestie comes back from her time to herself and explains that she has depression and just how she had been feeling recently, when i was younger i had gone through similar struggles, at one point wanting to e myself and h myself but i had gotten through it so i understood where she was coming from and made sure to be there when i can for her. We continued our skype calls, we met a few times but not as much, i offered her to come with us to town and join us, she met some of mine and new besties friends, but she wasn’t into k-pop like us so she sat and was drawing in her book, eventually we end up going to a new location closer to home where we stopped to get some food where bestie had explained she doesn’t know how far we are from home and doesn’t like not knowing where she is which fair enough, i reassured her we were closer to home than when we were in the town, by the time we got home she told me she didn’t like how far away from home we were which i totally understand, she also didn’t really enjoy sitting all day watching us dance, she enjoyed being able to just sit and draw outside and watch us have fun but just felt left out as she didn’t know any of the dances, fair enough. I had offered her if she wanted to learn some dances with me but after a quick try and of course a quick fail she gave up quickly, i tried to explain to her practice makes perfect but she insisted she didn’t want to continue, i didn’t force it on her, i tried to give new ideas to help her either to give her hobbies or something to distract her from stuff when needed and just to give her something to do and focus on which she didn’t really take but she stuck to her drawing which i was glad she had at least something she enjoyed and was good at.

After a long time of not seeing her as i had only been skyping her to talk to her i offered to meet at one of our old nearby spots we used to just chill and hang out at, it wasn’t far from home at all which is why i thought it would be a great idea, she tells me that she doesn’t want to go it’s too far, okay fair enough, more or less to the spot itself there’s a lot of up and down, more up tbf so okay i get it, so another day i offered her to come over to mine, 10 min walk and it’s not up and down but flat, i wouldn’t say it’s that deep but the day comes and she tells me she doesn’t want to go as her mum was going to drive her but refused when she wouldn’t put on shoes instead of her slides, alr? and then another time ask if i can come over to hers, alll she gotta do is come downstairs to open the door, the day comes and when i tell her i’m leaving in 10 she tells me to not bother coming, i ask why, she tells me she can’t be asked to open the door/ go downstairs… okay then great, atp i give up on asking her to meet or make plans and every time we have spoken she is complaining about her depression, i don’t mind it but it’s brought up in a lot of conversations, almost as if she’s blaming me for them when ive tried so much to help her already.

I continue with going out with new bestie and making new friends, i still skype bestie every now and then as i am more busy with my other friends. One day as i am at a friends meetup im out with all these new friends i made and ive posted us on my story which bestie sees and replies with something along the lines of” well i can see you are having fun then i guess” i reply to her quickly while feeling confused on this message saying i will reply when im home, and by the time i get home i read the messages, she has gone offff on me basically telling me im ditching and didnt care about her and am the cause of her depression. This alone made me snap, i had tried reasoning with her and explaining when i tried to find new hobbies for her, tried to get you to go outside again somehow, even just us with the close by spots like we used to, i offered to come to her house after every other place she couldn’t be asked and she still couldn’t be asked to come down the stairs to open the door for me, i still skyped her when i could and id always try to be there for her when i could, she explained to me that when she took her break she had lost all her friends from secondary, i was her only friend, i took new bestie away from her when she introduced us together and now i have new friends and am forgetting about her because i don’t care about her. Woahhhh now, i told her how im allowed to make new friends and hang out with them, new bestie told me she has nothing to really speak to bestie about as they don’t have too much in common apart from drawing and some anime’s and from my knowledge they would still speak to each other n all and she made friends with new besties secondary group who she acc liked or well at least 1 i knew she liked defo as she wouldn’t mind asking her to come round and join us during the times she did go out the few times after her break so i had thought she might be talking to them also but i guess not, she always stuck with me. I continued to then explain the meeting thing and her always declining bc she couldn’t be asked to go downstairs, it’s not really my fault that happens, why couldn’t you make the plans if you really wanted to see me? as then it would be a time when you could be asked to open the door for me or go to the park or smthing but she waited for me to ask again but i gave up. There were a few other factors i mentioned until she blamed me for her depression, i snapped here, as i had said before i had gone through a tough time in my life too while i was young, i had told her all about it during the time, initially i started it with telling her ab my scars, not long later mayb a month or less later its my birthday party, i dont remember what age but none the less we were on our way to the place it was hosted in and on our way she grabs my arm, pulls my sleeve up and asks where’s your scars? i told her on my other arm, she grabs that arm and checks, she questions it again and asks again, i told her those ones weren’t deep so they healed but there was one line which was very visible with another on top that was faint and healing, she looks and just does a lil’ hmm’ while shrugging her shoulders and goes back to what she was doing, this has ruined my entire day which was the whole birthday until she left, i reminded her of this to which she tells me she didn’t understand what that meant back then, when funny enough a week after that incident happened is when she tells me that she thinks she has depression too, and even if she did atp have it, it wasn’t as bad as it is now, there wasn’t the noticeable signs that i had back then or that she has now, in fact there were none, she seemed happy and these were the times we had the best friendship as after opening up and ignoring what she had done on my birthday, we had gone out more and done more things together esp with each others families. I told her this briefly also to which she ends up telling me she doesn’t think we are going to be a good match anymore and doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, i gladly said that’s fine by me and i didn’t even feel upset about those 6/7 years gone like that.

I do tend to think about it now and then where it does make me feel sad ab it cuz that was a lot of my childhood that i remember was being with her and just makes me wonder where she is now and how she is as this all happened when we were kids and we are adults now, our parents would chat here and there every now and then but nothing much about her, just how they been and whatever they talk ab, but AITAH? did i cause her depression? should i have done something differently? my pov from it is that i made new friends so she became jealous and upset that i was making other friends and it wasn’t just her, is there any other side im not seeing? As an adult now i still think about this and her and wonder how she’s doing now.