I (37F) was with my ex (37M) for 3 years. We lived together. I took care of his daughter, he mine. Everything changed when he relapsed. He broke up with me a week after my birthday. for 3 months I was the only one fighting to help get him clean, his mom just enabled his behavior. Fast forward 6 months, during this time I helped him get to rehab. He helped me with my mental health journey. We got back together and then June of last year BAMM. He blindsided me, broke up with me and was with a new girl the next day. Even after just talking about moving forward and finally feeling comfortable about our future together. Before you say it, yes he was cheating on me. For about a month prior. I went through a second mental health downward spiral in a period of 9 months. Everything I learned from my trauma treatment out the window. I stopped eating, i cut people/friends out of my life. I became withdrawn and reclusive.

During this time, his mom started on me because I cut the utilities off and cut off his car insurance (he didn’t have it prior to dating me, and to save money he asked to be on my plan). She was livid. As soon as she started with her disgusting words, I cut communication only saying “why would I talk to someone who disgustingly lashed out at me because I stopped supporting a guy who was cheating on me?” (Also, to add the apartment he was living in? Was mine originally. The landlord is my best friends dad, and even though he was giving it to me for a great price I had a panic attack.

Looking back, I think it was because I knew he wouldn’t move in with me if it was my place, but he’d let me move in if it was his (which doesn’t make sense, but in fact happened this way).

3 months of going NC with ex and exmom, I got in a violent altercation with my brother. I had to call the cops because I was tired of him treating everyone like ish and no one doing anything about it (he’s classic narcissist). I was actually at this point in a relationship with a great guy, that turned out to be a little too clingy. Like stage 5 clingy. Which I ended up breaking up with shortly after. After the fight, with my brother I reached out to my ex’s mom. Idk why, maybe to try to get to him. Because I felt like I knew my heart still wanted him? Or that I’m an idiot? I going idiot. We talked a lot she helped me get through a lot of feelings, and was there when my daughter had to be placed in an inpatient facility. A couple days after her entering, something clicked. Maybe because I was able to focus truly on myself for a minute, or was it the vile rumor her son made up, or was it the 20 minutes of her ranting about her son and how he’s no good, but he’s so great. I flipped out, saying everyone’s problems with one another is caused by her son. He treats people, especially women like dirt, the more you care about him? The worse he treats you.

I’ve been through it all with him. Emotional and mental abuse, his addiction, his cheating, his contributing to my body dysmorphia (wanting me to get fake boobs, become a muscle mama, squeezing my “fat” saying it would be easy to make into muscle), not caring one wink about me and my issues, or help me through them. I had enough, once I heard the rumor that we slept together when I went to talk to him about my daughter being admitted. Oh and that I have a loose female body part. She still defended him. I haven’t talked to her since. She was calling every day, but now it’s once every so often. She leaves me texts or voicemails asking why I stopped talking to her. I feel bad as she just found some growths, but her son is her son. I am not. He doesn’t have anything to do with her, only if he needs something (which is something I always thought was effed up).

I feel like IATAH cause I didn’t explain why I stopped talking to her, I just did. I wrote out a text to her but didn’t send it.

This was the text I wrote. B and S are our friends and with whom we met. B is my best friend and S is “his”. I put quotes because for 3 years, my ex talked ish on S every day that we were together.

“Right now I’m just focusing on myself and my peace. And trying to find a new normal for me. Unfortunately, you son has and continues to lie, manipulate, deceive, and say vulgar things about me and disparage our relationship to others. So right now figuring out that peace is figuring out if I can continue associating with people affiliated with him. This includes B and S Mostly S though. Which are the only two of that group that still talk to me and stand by me because they know the person I am. Not the lies that were and are continuing to be told. “

I appreciate all the love and support you give and have given me in this tough time. But I have to do what’s best for me right now”

So do I send the text? WIBTAH if I didn’t? I will say, it’s so much more peaceful with out either of them. B tells me the drama about my ex and the nonsense she goes through with her husband. (S wants B to be friends with the girl). One I will never have to hear about him again, 9 months ago I never thought I’d be at peace with this breakup. Time does heal.

Edited to add some details: -B DOES NOT like my ex or how he treats people. S will tell her everything ex says or does.

-The altercation with my brother happened at my mother’s. I moved back on with her after my break up. I didn’t talk to her or my brother for at least a month and drove separately to holiday functions because of that. I did call police, but didn’t file a report. But did promise if anything like that happened again, I would be pressing charges. My brother can do no wrong and gets everything he wants. He has his own apartment, but my daughter (17) and I still have to share a room because he won’t give up his own room. This is because he comes and stays at my moms 1-2/x a week.

• I talked her into existence. I just received this message from ex’s mom

“Why did you disconnect from me ? Why will you not even answer and speak to me ? You said “we “ had nothing to do with ex” . I asked you if your therapist thought it would be better if you did disconnect. You said no . So please call me and talk to me . Also you left your hair removal thing here we never used and you need to get your stuff . And I wish you would talk to me instead of being such an ignorant person . I wonder how you are . I wonder how daughter is ? I wonder if your Mom is being supportive. I wonder if you’re putting up with your brothers abuse . I wonder if you are letting your eating disorder and anxiety to get the best of you . Please put my heart at ease and if you are saying bye , say it proper . “