Hey everyone, so I’m gonna start from the beginning so y’all have a bit of insight of the situation.

My son (6 months old) was born at 37 weeks and was healthy for his gestational age. Although he was healthy he did stop breathing while a nurse was working on him. He held his breath and turned blue for 15 seconds which landed him in the NICU for 2 days, the NICU staff did an ECHO on him which showed nothing abnormal but a small heart palpitation.

I will admit, after this terrible hospital experience I was terrified of doing a lot of stuff around him. I wouldn’t let anyone smoke before seeing him (Vaping or cigarettes), absolutely no adult foods and various other things. I have gotten a little better with some of the other stuff I’ve been scared about but I have kept the no cigarettes and no adult foods a no go. I will let her vape outside without the child being around her if she agrees to wash her hands afterwards.

Since my child has been born my mom has broken many rules, some I could forgive others took a bit of hardcore reflection. One day I was looking at the Ring camera video I had set up in my back yard and I saw her leave the baby in the living room to go into the backyard to have a cigarette. This was the breaking point for me, she wasn’t in my child’s life for about 1.5 months. I gave her a second chance because I don’t have any support elsewhere, my dad isn’t in my life because he was very abusive to me as a child and my husbands family isn’t in our life because they wanted him to marry someone within his race and I am not within his race. So I felt alone, I felt like I didn’t have a choice but to forgive her. Everyone around me was telling me to let her be around her grandchild and I felt terrible, I should have just stuck to my own words but I slipped.

Fast forward to today, I had to go to an important doctor appointment with my husband and while we were gone she was watching my little one. I thought everything was fine until I noticed something on his jumper, it was a wet gummy bear cut in half. When I called her I asked if she gave him the gummy bear, she refused to tell the truth. I will admit at this point I’m yelling and upset, I told her to tell me the truth. She said that she gave him half of a gummy bear and let him suck on it for a while.

At this point, I have a lot of thoughts flowing through my mind. I’m hurt that she betrayed my trust yet again, I’m upset that I got to miss our child eating something sugary for the first time and most importantly I’m upset that she would give him half of a gummy bear to suck on when it’s a MAJOR choking hazard. I told her that I’m done with the lies and I just can’t do it anymore. I feel so broken-hearted that I don’t have a single person in my life who will respect my boundaries and actually listen to what I have to say.

I guess my question is this,

Firstly AITAH for reacting this way and not letting her see her grandchild without our supervision?

Secondly, what do I say to family members who try to guilt trip me into letting my mom watch him again? I’ve already tried to talk to my sister about what’s going on and she said that I should just tell my mom I have cameras in the house so she won’t do anything again. The thing is, we’ve done that and she still tried to hide from our ring camera to smoke a cigarette. The only way we knew she did it was because she left butts outside. Plus, at this point I just don’t trust her to watch our child anymore.

Lastly, if any of y’all have experience with not having a “village” to help you. Could you leave some hidden truths for my husband and I to follow? I would appreciate that so much.