I'm happy my Twin sister won't be graduating with me.

Warning: I will mention threatened suicide, and self harm, as well as running away.

I (17 m) heard that my twin sister "Rose" won't be graduating in a few months, and I had to hide my joy. She deserved this. She really does.

For context: (it's very long, at the bottom is a short reasoning with a little context)

So at the start of Grade 9, Rose started to become more toxic. She hung out with bad people, would try to play victim to get what she wants, and would specifically leave out details so she could do stuff that with details, she wouldn't be able to do. It wasn't bad at school, but my home life became a minefield around her. She started causing more arguments over small things, would say rude remarks to get a reaction out of my older sibling (a year older than me),and my younger siblings (2½ years younger than me). Near that summer, she threatened to run away because she didn't like the house rules our mom set out for our safety. My mom is strict, but she isn't too strict, and is less strict the older we are.

Grade 10... was a roller coaster. In grade 10 she became worse. She would try to find a guy to date, but she never did, and when she heard our Older Sibling got a partner, she was livid. She would target Older Sibling a lot, and even would try to flirt with their Partner. She tried to play victim a lot and she was nosey about my love life, even though not a lot happened. Like I said, she started more fights in the house, and it got worse every day. She would say mean things at school about our parents and siblings, painting herself as a victim and leaving out key details of every conversation. Mind you, before I moved, I had a room right beside the living room, and the walls were thin. So I would later tell those friends what really happened, and I would tell our mom what Rose said to her friends.

During the end of the school year, Rose got a boyfriend "Finn" (16m at the time), in "secret", meaning she told no one. This was a few mo the after her crush with this dude went south. He wasn't a great guy, and when they got in a fight, she wouldn't stop finding ways to get into his life. She literally went to a class he was in, just to talk to a teacher she doesn't even have, or had. When he got mad at her after a month of her doing this, he called her a stalker. Rose didn't take that well and played the victim card, but she didn't get the response from anyone that she wanted. Her friends pointed out that she was in the wrong too. For context, these friends did realize how bad Rose was, that any friend she had would drop her over the summer or during school, and wouldn't want her around.

Most of the time, I would try to see Rose's side of the arguments, and try to "calm her down" while also pointing out where she was wrong, and where our siblings were in the wrong. even if that meant I had to ignore a lot of toxic things she said, or how she would try to play victim while degrading whoever she was fighting with. And sometime, she would fight with me. And to be honest, I would give up on it and let her "win". Her arguments with me increased more near the summer, where she started to threaten suicide, and would cut herself. Thankfully, she went to therapy, and I won't lie, I don't think she was faking it. A lot of the times she seemed down, almost as if everyday she started to believe everyone hated her. She wanted to keep her therapy on the downlow and her mental health too, so we did that. She even switched ADD medication, but that didn't seem to help that much, since she would continue to not take it. At the start of the summer, Rose said she had a plan to move out of the house. I don't think she did, since she only ever used that as a threat in conversations from there on.

Grade 11, my life was a mess...because she made it one. Now, there was a point during the fall that Rose seemed better. But it wasn't. So her attitude got worse, she would go against the rules we have, and she would flirt with other guys while with Finn, saying she's "just being friendly". In November I got a Bf. I didn't yell her immediately because I didn't want her to try and target me for having a bf, when her relationship (because of the flirting with male friends) wasn't stable. She found out a week later, and started asking on and on and on about my Bf. She would get mad about me talking about my Bf. And would say I can't make him my life. Like sorry, this is my first relationship, didn't know I can't be happy?

Things only got worse for me and her. She would get in a ton of fights with me and my siblings, often I tried to be the "neutral one" which ended up her "attacking" me (more so, I became the main focus of the argument). I'm not innocent, because a few times, me being "neutral" was me getting mad at the yelling, and yelling over them to shut up if they're just gonna yell. I only yelled because I was overstimulated from the cleaning (yes, these fights would happen when we're all trying to clean the house) and the yelling, typically when I forgot my ADHD meds. Not an excuse, because what I did was still an asshole move.

We had to move, for reasons I don't know, but during it, the fights increased, and she got more irritated. Even during our birthday. She was kept to herself, and would be visibly upset when she didn't get what she wanted. Before our birthday, and after, when Rose and I cleaned the basement, she made a remark: "I want you to know, that I don't understand your sexuality (me being gay and having a bf), and I won't try to learn" or something along the lines. It was targeted, and came out of nowhere. The first time I was shocked. I literally stopped moving and just starred at her. She repeated herself. TWICE. I had to stop cleaning, and I "went to go pee" aka: try not to cry. Because she basically said to me: I don't support you, and I won't try to learn how to.

After that we had a few fights, but I still tried to see the best in her. But one night, I snapped. We were packing the basement, and she came down after having a fight with our mom about how she doesn't think that our mom doesn't lover her. Our mom does everything for her, she tries her best and more. Anyways, she came down to help pack all moody, I was in shock from the bold things she said and starred at her, and she told me to stop looking at her. I asked her what's wrong? And she went on a whole thing about how no one loves her. I didn't think. I just spoke, rudely, acusingly, about all the things she did, versus what we do for her. I go on and on about how we love her and how we are trying her best, and how she must be crazy to not see that. I then followed with: "You are so fucking ungrateful 'Name', like why the fuck, do I even fucking bother to stand up for all the bullshit you do, all the fucking lies you say, especially after that fucking hurtful comment about me being gay, that for some fucked reason, you won't fucking let go off!"

The whole house went silent. She looked scared, and hurt. And I walked away. I couldn't handle it. I knew I was rude. But honestly I was tired of trying to be her support to validate her actions. We didn't speak for a week.

Jump to a month and a week after moving. Me and Bf break up, he wasn't fully into the relationship, and I asked him about he, he said he doesn't like me, and was only trying to see if he was gay. I saw this coming, but it still hurt. Everyone kinda checked in to make sure I was okay, Rose didn't say anything. she didn't care, if anything she looked a bit happy?

A week later, on a family members birthday, she left her phone home "by accident". After school, she didn't get on the bus. Me and my older sibling panicked, called her, called her bf. No answer. Through searching through her stuff, we found out she ran away. It was planned. And it was heart breaking. Because she only left what she wanted us to find.

Things were rocky at school. Nothing felt real. I was mad, sad, and concerned. I blamed myself for snapping at her. She didn't like it when I told my friend what she's done and what happened. I would get long hateful emails from her. There was more drama she brought into my life until I blocked her.

A few months ago:

A few months ago, I overheard that she's failing her classes, her bf broke up with her, and that a week later, she got with some guy. Now, I find out she isn't graduating. She deserves it. She hadn't been going to school ever. Only on a rare day. But she still plays the victim.

Ngl, I feel like an ass for being happy about my (estranged?) Twin sister for not graduating, because now I don't have to worry about her possibly ruining a big day for me, since it didn't go well when I told her I'm never contacting her again after she got mad at me wanting to reschedule therapy, because "I just want to make her desprate". Is this normal to feel happy?

**Edit- By the way, my older sibling is giving me the cold shoulder because I didn't sympathize Rose, after hearing the news. Older siblings and Rose still talk to each other