My ex fiance M21 and I F21 are still in contact. My current bf M26 caught me talking to him and he got so angry he ended up hurting me.

My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. He cheated on me during the first 2 months of LDR because I moved to Australia and he was in the Philippines. Nothing extreme, he got drunk and became clingy to another girl in front of all our friends. What hurt me the most was that it was a time when I was dying to go back home because I was terribly homesick. Anyways, we broke up a year after that incident. I met a new guy, we became sexually involved, and now living together.

Last December, I went home to the Philippines and met with my ex fiance. I told him about my problem with my current bf who I felt like used me financially because he relied on me for borrowing money because he was gambling. My ex fiance then told me that he would wait for me until my current bf pays off his debt to me. However, I skipped telling my ex fiance that I was already sexually involved and officially in a relationship with my current bf. I was scared he was going to leave once he found out, which was wrong, I know, because I am being unfair and untruthful.

Last week, my current boyfriend and I were at my family’s party and I went home first. I was feeling depressed because my current bf never gives me space to process my feelings and my life. He always wants to fix things immediately while I am the type to sit with my feelings and understand everything I am going through. We live together with no one in my family knowing. We bought a car that I paid for, he’s paying it off to me weekly. But then he mentioned he wanted to try gambling again so he could pay his debt quicker. However, I do know his history of not having discipline so I realized I was never gonna get anywhere with this relationship with my current bf. I was so triggered because at the party, everyone in my family was praising him without knowledge of how unstable he is with me.

I mentioned I came home first and I was drunk. I called my ex fiance to talk about my problems. My current bf came home drunk as well unexpectedly. He caught me and we started fighting over my phone. He pushed me against the wall, the headboard of the bed, and the worst one was he pushed me from the bed and I fell on the floor and hit my head. I was so scared and begged him to stop. He was not directly hitting me, but he was using enough force to push me back to the bed when I was trying to leave the room. He also grabbed my by the neck trying to get me away from retrieving my phone from his hands. The next morning, I found bruises on my shoulder and arms.

I kept telling myself that this should be the dealbreaker, but I do know I have my own fault too. I shouldn’t have talked to my ex about my problems, and instead communicated it better with my current bf. It’s just that he never listened to me. But still, I was in the wrong too. But I cannot forget how traumatic that night was. The only way he got back into his senses was that when I triggered the emergency in my iPhone. After all this, I still realized that I am actually in love with my current bf. I know this is stupid, or I may be talking from a position I am not familiar with after the night of the fight. I don’t know. I still feel like choosing my current bf. Do I stay with him? He promised he would make it up to me, and told me he was just shocked with what happened. He said he was not trying to hurt me, but trying to just push me away from my phone. He could change, I think. I hope. What do I do?

Considering my ex fiance, I told him last night that I have already been sexually involved with my current bf. I skipped the part that we’re living together because I was scared he would tell my family in the Philippines. Nevertheless, I think I owe it to him to let him go. I hurt him enough, I can’t choose him and put him in a relationship where I hide secrets about my decisions during our breakup. I can never tell him I moved in with my current bf. The most decent thing I can do for him is to finally leave him and keep him out of my miserable and unhealthy decisions because I will only hurt him more.