Hi everyone. I (25F) recently ended things with my ex (26M) after a long, emotionally exhausting relationship. I’m hoping for advice or perspective because I feel completely heartbroken, confused, and stuck between my head and my heart.

We were together for a while. He was sweet, loyal, caring in many ways. He’d come see me if I was sad, remembered little things I liked, made me feel loved at times. But there was also this dark side—he would lie, hide things, manipulate through silence or emotional guilt, and when something went wrong, he’d shut down completely. He made me feel small, stupid, and constantly unsure of my place in his life.

There was a point when his parents were supposed to come to mine to formally ask for nikkah, and I genuinely believed we were on that path. He introduced me to his family, we spent time together as if we were moving forward. Then I started discovering lie after lie. One that really shattered me: he told me he didn’t go into a strip club with his friends before we met—turns out, he lied. Only recently, in one of his “honesty dumps,” he admitted it.

After our last serious talk, I walked away. I blocked him everywhere. But the next day, he downloaded Hinge and started talking to another girl. He says he did it because he was “depressed” that my parents are looking for someone else for me. He said he didn’t want to lose me, but in the same breath was swiping on dating apps. This isn’t the first time he’s done something like this. I feel so used and betrayed.

A few days ago, he sent me a long emotional email—saying he’s sorry, he loves me, that he messed up, that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him. That he can’t sleep or think. That he’s done with relationships if it’s not with me.

I haven’t responded. I don’t want to. But I also do.

I miss the comfort, the softness, the idea of who I thought he could become. But I don’t trust him. I don’t know if I ever really did. And yet, there’s this horrible ache in me that keeps asking—what if he changes? What if this time is different?

Why do I still want someone who treated me this way?

Should I stay no contact? Or would hearing him out again just set me back?

Any advice would mean a lot.

Thank you.