AITA/ Girlfriend and I cannot seem to agree who’s in the wrong and it’s become a bit a problem

So it’s actually a long story that takes the course of months so I’m gonna try and shorten it as much as possible without leaving out too many important details. For context my lady has kids with her ex. My lady an I have been together for nearly a year and at first it was great but to be honest we were drinking more often than not so it is kind of a blur but still it was a good time, at this time we’re dealing with the baby daddy and he’s an absolute abomination not my place to spew but just he’s a shit dude. Anyway fast forward a few months baby daddy reels in being a pos to my lady an I so we’re civil. My lady an I are working the same job but I get fired one day because I jokingly told my manager to get out of my kitchen(I had said this before and they always took it as a joke) only my manager is bipolar and unmedicated at that so she didn’t say a word to me that suggested she didn’t take it as a joke an called up boss man an made him upset with me without ever even talking to me(I had no idea this went down) and after doing that she tells his head servers what I said as if I was being malicious, so I walk to the front utterly oblivious to all of this and one of the head servers who is honestly a bitch before this just tears into me without giving any context whatsoever, I decided I wasn’t taking that shit for $8 an hr doing all the work I did for that place so I leave an call up boss man asking for a raise and only now do I find out the manager got to him first an fed him a line of bullshit but I still had my job til I asked for that raise. I have been applying but it’s so far not gone my way and there aren’t many jobs in our area as is so it’s not awesome, but that’s not entirely the point because of that shit that went down with the head server and the manager I told my lady I don’t want her being their friend anymore, I didn’t ask her to be a bitch an get fired but I said if they thought they could attack me over a joke like that an try to get me fired I don’t want them thinking they can still be her friend and she said okay but after that started being distant and starting talking to me less, and being less affectionate, then one day we’re going to get her kids from baby daddy and her daughter had not been coming but this time she said she was and she wasn’t there at the pick up, I asked baby daddy where she was an said it kinda sucked she lied and my lady agreed, he slams the door and I roll my window down to tell him he needs to reel in his attitude well I said “hey buddy, that was a lil rough” an he goes “yeah?” So I say “yeah, reel it in” and he just snaps like some little boy “want me to do it again?” I just say stfu an roll my window up until he came at the window threatening me in front of his children not leaving despite my telling him to go away, admittedly I snapped bc I just couldn’t comprehend the absurdity and childishness I was witness to, I wish I didn’t yell “go the fuck away” in front of his children the way that I did but it was better in my opinion than showing my ass the way he was and giving to what he was doing, but after this my lady lets him off without anything whatsoever and treats me like absolute shit for that going down, she refuses to speak to me, be affectionate towards me, or sleep with me unless I initiate these things, she’s not a part of this relationship unless I bring it out of her even lately the only times she will speak to me without me doing so first all she’ll say to me is pointless harmful things like our baby isn’t gonna like me or something and she says it like a joke but when it’s all she says it fuckin sucks. and the inability to work through our problems because of that has caused me to push a lot of shit down and due to that I have been lashing out at her recently over a lot of things like how she ignores me, or how she doesn’t speak to me(or does), or the other day when she said she would work a job (deliveries, I don’t drive so I cannot do deliveries) that puts our daughter at risk because she is a high risk pregnancy, I snapped because I have been against her taking that job due to the fact I can’t help her do it bc I would be home with her children and I don’t want her heavy lifting bc of our baby, we’re currently in the middle of a move but after an especially bad fight we had the other day she’s had me stay at the old apartment, and that’s partly my decision but if you want the truth all I want her to do is say she wants me to come back, that’s most of everything, I understand that I can do better with the way I speak when I lash out and I’m not saying it’s okay to say some of the things that get said on both sides but I feel personally that if I was able to talk these things out instead of being forced to push it down I wouldn’t lash out at all, she’s called me unhinged and said I don’t have control of my anger and even compared me to the ex who was physically abusive saying she preferred being abused to my lashing out this last time, she told me she preferred her ex beatin the crap out her to my heated reaction, given I’ve never laid hands on her or even given her any reason to think I might kinda disgusts me that she would compare me to him. AITAH?