To start off with I come from a family that, although some of the uncles and aunts had strained relationships in their younger years, gets along. There isn’t family infighting or jealousy. I married into a family with generational abuse that is finally, finally coming to an end with my husband and his brothers. All people mentioned are my in laws.

My husband and I got married and shortly after had a medical emergency that brought us back to his home state. We were struggling with medical bills so we purchased a small living situation and grandma insisted we move onto their land. We have a rental agreement that we constantly keep trying to up but grandma doesn’t want us to pay more. In exchange we help as much as we can.

Grandma and I have an excellent relationship and excellent communication. She offered her washer and drier repeatedly so I wouldn’t have to use a laundromat. We became confidants and enjoy are moments together so much.

Grandpa’s memory is failing. We enjoy our interactions as well but occasionally he doesn’t recognize me. This is why grandma is the voice of authority in their home.

I noticed early on that uncle wasn’t around much. No big deal. He lives 15 minutes away and has a family of his own. He seemed nice and I could never understand my husbands suspicion of him. Now I do.

Grandma and grandpa chose to move to a condo that could offer some amenities with their health and life. None of the kids wanted the home place so it is currently up for sale.

Grandma asked us to pick out an item we were interested in of theirs and my husband chose an item of significance from his childhood. Grandma approved.

A while later the item is missing. At a family deal to help grandpas, cousin says they have it. Husband asks about a similar item that has been missing for years that grandpas don’t know where it is. Oh they’ve had that too.

Uncle has stepped in and claimed many items without permission from grandma.

Eventually grandpas were in the process of moving. Uncle started making grandma cry by overriding her decisions. One day I found her crying and when I asked why she told me uncle had made some decisions about the property that had produced bills she wasn’t prepared to handle.

Grandpas moved.

Uncles stuff started showing up around the place and when I mention it to grandma she had no clue. Uncle installed a poorly constructed lock on the shed without notifying anyone. Uncle locked us out of the house. Uncle brought people to view the property without notifying us and only notified grandma a few minutes before. Grandma was very stressed as she wanted me to do a walk through to make sure nothing was out of place from moving. With no warning we were in town and couldn’t get back in time.

Now here’s my fault. I work part time. My hours range from 35-40. With grandpas moving we took over yard care. Mowing alone takes at least 5 hours. Between yard care and laundry leaf particles have been tracked into the house. Grandma is aware and I sweep all areas we have used each weekend. Our hot water heater caused problems and we had a massive storm so our living situation was uncomfortable. Grandma asked that we use their house and bathroom. Again I clean any areas we use. Tomorrow is cleaning day. I need to vacuum and clean a bathroom. I have a small pile of laundry ready to wash and some folded clothes to take back to our house. These items are in the house because I simply haven’t had time to do laundry. Grandma is aware of this and okay with it.

Today grandma calls to tell us they are coming to visit for the weekend. I am ecstatic and make a mental note to quadruple check everything to make sure it’s spotless.

Uncle messages my husband. Very snarky about our use of grandpa’s house and requesting we make sure the property is in order. AITAH for wanting to react and tell him that he only acknowledged his parents once a potential inheritance was involved? I want to remind him that I speak to his mother more than he does.