Hey guys sorry for the late update. I didn’t realize people made new posts for updates and I ended up just editing my og post, only to realize that I should instead make a new update post.

Anyways, a lot has happened and the original post got quite a few comments so I feel like I owe it to you guys. I really appreciate everything that you guys commented as well and I took it into account for what I’m about to update you guys with.

I also want to say this before I update, some of you said to contact Amelia about this and I thought about it and decided I do not want to. I don’t want to drag her into this when she’s ultimately done nothing wrong. She’s always made it clear to me that she is just a friend and I’ve never seen her cross a line with James nor any of our other mutual male friends. She’s in a happy relationship and I just don’t want to cause any issues with them. With that said, here’s what else has happened.

I wrote that post on Saturday and I fully expected not to hear from James by Monday. But apparently the friend James was staying with didn’t know why he was even there, only that James wanted a place to stay. And when James told him the situation, he did what many of you commented on and told him he should be reassuring me rather than running away.

I guess this knocked some sense into James because Saturday night, he came back home and told me that he doesn’t want to run away from us. But he said he needed a day or two to gather some of his thoughts. I was so tired and exhausted and I know this wasn’t the best thing to do, but I accepted it and told him I’d wait. Looking back on it, I should have just sat him down there and continued the conversation. But he kept telling me that he loves me and no one else and that he just needs to clear his mind and again I didn’t push it.

Sunday was Easter and I went to go visit my sister and her husband. I did not bring James along, he had some other plans he was originally going to go to regardless, and after everything that went down, I didn’t really want to hang out with him. While I was there, I told both of them the situation with James. My sister had the same reaction as many of you guys did, that James probably has feelings for her and that he was an asshole for leaving me in the dust instead of comforting me. Her husband, we’ll call him Dean (28M), though told me that he doesn’t think James feels anything for Amelia but rather is more protective over her. But my sister shot that down saying if it was a protective-older-brother type thing, then it would be more obvious. She told me I should grill him more about it and Dean agreed with that too.

To say the least, my conversation with both of them only left me with more questions of whether I was overthinking this or if I was in the right. Anyways, later Sunday night, I got home to see James waiting for me and I could just tell he was ready to speak. We sat down and he ended up apologizing first and foremost. He felt stupid for the way he originally reacted and said that he only walked out because he was upset that I accused him of having feelings for her. He told me that in the past, his past gfs or just girls he would be talking to, would always accuse him of liking Amelia because they are friends. And I guess it just triggers him to hear that.

I replied to him and told him “well obviously you have to be acting a certain way with her to make the person your with feel that way.” And that made him go quiet and I really just let him have it at that point. I told him that I’ve never had an issue with her in the past and it isn’t even about her or their friendship, I’m completely fine with my s/o having opposite gender friends. It’s about the way he treats her. I told him how those texts I saw were more reactive and possessive than a regular guy friend would be over a girl, that I guess the way their friendship is, is very unlike most regular female and male friendships in regards to how close they are.

To this, he got defensive and said that he doesn’t feel any possession over her, that he just wants to look out for her because he cares for her. We kind of went back and forth for a while and I then asked him the question that I last asked before he stormed out which was “so if Amelia told you she had feelings for you right now, what would you do?”

And he kind of just looked at me, mouth wide open and struggling to form a response. I think it was at this point that I started to cry. Reality kind of just settled in because his lack of response or inability to immediately do so told me that he was unsure, that he had doubts. I think that if he was truly secure in our relationship, he would have immediately told me that he would reject her or unbefriend her or something.

When he saw me crying, he panicked and was telling me it wasnt like that, that he loves only me etc, that he couldn’t ever view Amelia that way because they have been long time friends. And I think that flipped a switch in me and I told him “so if you and Amelia met now, if you weren’t such solid friends, would you love her?” And I think that question truly made him falter. My mother always told me that no answer is an answer and that was a moment where that rang incredibly true.

And god I can’t even describe how badly it hurt. To see the man you love most in this world falter about your relationship. I’ve never been someone who crashes out or blows up about things, I’ve always been reserved and accepting of situations and realities, even if it hurts. But I think that was the first time in my life where I wanted to just explode on him, let my anger out. But I didn’t and I’m glad that I didn’t because even then I don’t think he deserves that sort of reaction out of me. I don’t remember much of our conversation afterwards, I was practically sobbing at that point. But I know I ended up telling him that he needs some reflecting to do about the things he truly feels, even if it scares him. Because if he doesn’t, he’s just going to end up hurting more people.

And then I broke up with him, telling him I think its best if we separate for both our sakes. I hate to say it but a part of me hoped he would fight back and reject me, and my heart broke even more when he just accepted what I said. I have never seen such an expression on his face either, he looked like I had just rocked his world in the most horrible way. It hurt so fucking badly god I still feel the ache within me right now thinking about it. I ended up going to my sisters, crying the entire way there. And I’m going to stay with her until I can find a new place.

The lease James and I have ends mid-July so I have time, and James ended up texting me that he’s going to stay with his own parents instead of home so that I don’t feel uncomfortable. And he sent me a long paragraph about how much he does loves me, how he’ll always be here for me no matter what, how he hates himself for making me cry and yada yada. I didn’t respond and I’m not going to.

I don’t doubt James loves me, I just think he loves Amelia more and is afraid of it. It is pathetic really, I think he’s the only who is truly so insecure with himself and the things he feels. And it’s really just sad and pathetic to see. I hope that he realizes his own feelings for Amelia and honestly that he finds a way to move past them, for his own sake and for his future lovers sake. I don’t wish this type of pain I feel on anyone.

Anyways, it’s not that exciting of an update and it is really what most of you probably expected. I know I will be okay, I’m young and there is much of my life to live out, but I won’t lie and say that it doesn’t hurt because it really does. It will just take time to move on from I guess. As I’ve said, I won’t be telling Amelia about any of this, and I haven’t told any of our mutual friends about our breakup yet. Anyways, I will update you guys again if anything else happens that is crazy enough to mention and I will also take this time to reply to some comments. Thank you for hearing me out, I really appreciate it!