I'm a married man. :)

I let my husband take the lead on making the decisions here and let him know I would support whatever he chose. After some discussion, we decided to cancel the wedding and elope instead. My husband said he wouldn't feel right, gathering all his family and our friends without his sister present, but it was still very important to him that we got married on the date we first met.

It was perfect. It was exactly the right choice. It was quiet and intimate and us. There's nothing in the world I love more than seeing him smile, and he was stuck in perpetual :D mode. I was so worried if we had the wedding, I would look over and see him looking anything less than thrilled because it wasn't how he envisioned it without his sister there. I think the complete change in expectation made it easier for him to let go. Again: exactly the right choice. We're on cloud nine.

In the lead up, there was a lot of calling vendors, friends, and family to let them know we were cancelling. It was very short notice and we weren't rescheduling anything, so we lost all of our deposits. Our loved ones were really understanding of our decision, at least over the phone. We had very few people flying in, only three friends, and his mom agreed to cover their flights as well.

Finally, to address my anger. Most of it was directed towards the universe, but I'll admit that I was mad at my mother-in-law. Discussions about our wedding and his sister's grief were ones we were already having. Still, a third party coming to him and making this request felt cruel, in the moment. It felt like a guilt trip, like unnecessary pressure on my husband when he was already having to make these decisions anyway. We eventually made the choice we wanted to make, but he did tell me at one point he didn't want his mom to think he was heartless if we had the wedding without his sister.

Emotions were running high for everyone. I don't think his mom would ever think he's heartless. I know no one was out to get us. His mom was doing her best to make the day comfortable for everyone and navigating that is basically impossible. Still, I'm not sorry for my anger. And maybe that still makes me the asshole, but I'll be the asshole who loves his husband and puts him first in every situation.