Apologies if this post is all over the place. Formatting is hard on mobile and I’m incredibly sleep deprived.

I (22FTM) and my boyfriend (23M) often spend the night at each other’s places (he lives at home and I live in my own apartment). We don’t have plans to move in with each other YET simply because we don’t think we’re financially stable enough for that at this point in time.

I love my boyfriend’s family, they’re all amazing people and feel like family to me as well. His sister (16F) is very emotionally attached to my boyfriend and whenever he and I are spending time together, she insists on being with us, no matter where we’re going. It got to the point at one time where she tried to make a fake ID to go to a club with us (we told her parents and she was grounded, the ID taken off her).

I have siblings myself, I’m the youngest too, so I can somewhat understand that she wants to spend time with her older brother. I get it, I loved spending time with my older sister as a younger kid. But her behaviours are becoming increasingly more uncomfortable.

My boyfriend explained to me that she gets extreme nightmares and so almost nightly she will sleep in my boyfriend’s bed with him because she feels safer like that. I wouldn’t care but even when I stay the night at his place, that behaviour continues. She’ll literally be spooning with us the whole night. Usually I get my boyfriend to sleep between us but sometimes he gets up in the night and his sister just shifts over closer to me.

This even happens sometimes when he comes to my apartment. She’ll insist on coming with him as to not be separated and she’ll end up sleeping on the couch, but will still attempt to get into our bed. Occasionally if my boyfriend is firm and makes her stay on the couch so we can have quiet fun time, she’ll ignore it and come into my room anyway, interrupting us.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel so uncomfortable with his sister doing this and I’ve told my boyfriend that. This has been going on for almost a year and I’m at my wit’s end. I want to keep seeing my boyfriend but our relationship has been so strained lately because his sister will not accept that she can’t sleep in our bed every night.

What can I do? Is it wrong of me if I tell my boyfriend I won’t spend the night with him until he makes sure his sister won’t keep coming into our room and bed? It doesn’t seem like my boyfriend is taking this seriously and I value my bed, my privacy and my sleep. All of which I feel like I haven’t been getting for months.

Please help me 😅