TLDR: my girlfriend’s grandma had a car that wasn’t being used. Offered it to her and all her siblings and my girlfriend jumped on the offer first. She now being bullied because of it.

Relevant background information: I am having a really hard time seeing reality right now and could use some advice. I have bipolar 1, I was diagnosed in 2019 and life has been pretty fucking hard. I was medicated for years but I experienced some pretty horrific side effects. I was losing my hair and I was just generally miserable. With the HELP of my psychiatrist I got off meds and tried life raw for a while. It’s now been three years of trying to manage this purely through diet, exercise and lifestyle change. Has it worked? I mean maybe. I have become a lot more self aware of my triggers and or limitations. Compared to my life before working with my psychiatrist, I am doing a lot better. I have however always struggled with keeping a consistent job. This has been a consistent theme in my life. It seems to be somewhat of a common theme with bipolar in general. While I can fully admit that there has been at least one instance that I lost my job just strictly due to complications from a manic episode. It’s only happened once since receiving treatment/ professional advice. So honestly that’s a huge improvement for me on a personal level. But I can fully admit that this is not consistent or responsible behavior on my part. I’m very aware this is an area that I am lacking in.

My main issue: I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 1/2 years. It has been a rocky relationship, but also a very fulfilling one. We are both very close with our family, in our OWN ways. That is a very important distinction. I talk to my mom and grandma almost everyday. We’re actually living in an apartment my family owns and not paying any rent. My mom feels like we should be saving for our future and she needs helps with my dad. He was paralyzed when I was 8 years old and has experienced severe complications. My mom is his primary caregiver and she’s getting older. So I’m happy to help. They have always helped me so it only feels right to be able to give back now as an adult. My girlfriend is close with her family but it’s a very different dynamic. She essentially raised her siblings because her mom and dad were extremely immature and just never came home. So she’s was making breakfast, lunch and dinner for her and her siblings since she was five years old. Obviously this dynamic has really hindered her. As an adult she still feels extremely responsible for her now grown siblings. She’s always sending them money or trying to help them out of abusive relationships. I’ve encouraged this for the most part. I do think it’s okay to help family out. I just generally think helping others is probably the way to go. But, her family absolutely takes advantage of her. That’s been something we’ve talked a lot about. Her siblings feel entitled to everything she has.

So about three months ago her paternal grandmother broke her neck and no one stepped in to help her. My girlfriend jumped at the opportunity, managed to get approved to work from home indefinitely, a blessing for sure but one she earned through hard work. I was still unemployed so I also went with her to help. I have a background primarily in the medical field, specifically dealing with spinal injuries and rehabilitation. Obviously my dad helped a lot with my career choice.

Back to the point, I went with her and we stayed in another city for two months taking care of her grandma. In these two months both of our cars shit themselves. Her transmission was going out and my car is still being diagnosed. No one can figure out exactly what’s wrong with mine. But it can’t be driven for any significant distance without overheating. So we’re stuck hours away from home with no car, taking care of her grandma and her family essential tells us to fuck off and figure that out on our own. My mom and grandma came and got us, brought us home and let us borrow a truck the next time we had to go back.

The only reason my girlfriend’s grandma got the care she continued to need was because my family helped us. This situation was really where I started to feel used by her people. In our 4 years together I have helped all her siblings move, I’ve helped her mom move twice and I’ve even helped both her grandmas move around. I also cleaned up her grandpas house, he was a prolific hoarder. Point is, I’ve done a lot for them.

I spoke to my girlfriend about how I was feeling, she was feeling the same way. She was tired of taking care of her siblings and continually doing what her parents should have done. We took a massive step back from them.

Around Christmas she was contacted by her maternal grandmother asking if she would drive to another state to pick up a car for her youngest sibling (21f). My girlfriend explained she couldn’t, she didn’t even have a car. So her grandma offered her this one. She explained to us that the youngest sibling hadn’t even picked up the phone when she reached out to give her the car.

Of course my girlfriend jumped at the chance. So we rented a car, drove her grandma to the airport and picked up the car. Since then our lives have been hell. Her siblings are constantly calling and telling her she’s a piece of shit for doing this. Her mom and dad also feel that she should give this car to baby of the family. My girlfriend has been very upfront with everyone. She only needs it for six months. She has to pay off private loans she took out for school. She doesn’t qualify for a car loan because of them. So she’s paying off debt.

Her siblings, and her dipshit parents, think that because she isn’t paying rent she doesn’t need this. But, she’s only not paying rent because of me and my family. It’s not like she’s just super fortunate and was given this apartment for fun. We help my mom and dad out a lot. It works out for both parties. We have a place to save and they have free competent help. Win win in my eyes. But her siblings are using me as the excuse for her to not have that car. They think I benefit from it and drive it. I do not. We both work and have very different hours. My girlfriend now goes into the office everyday. Her two youngest siblings live together and work at the same place. They also only live a mile away from work and we’re about 8-10 miles away in a city that doesn’t have busses or trains. It’s a desert and it’s hell. Her siblings argument is that they were offered the car first. But her grandma very clearly said she just wanted the car to go to someone who needed it. My girlfriend has the texts to prove that. Personally I think her grandma should be the one handling this. It’s her car and she offered it to everyone. So

I’m just at the point where I hate the lot of them. They always use us and I’m so sick of being included in all of this shit. My girlfriend has had very shitty boundaries with her family. It’s gotten to the point where we’re going to break up if she doesn’t start implementing healthy boundaries. She feels the same way. So she’s really put her foot down in this situation. But they will not stop attacking her or me. I truthfully don’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong here. I feel blessed to have the family unit that I do. But I don’t feel like I deserve to be punished because their parents are just ass people.

WIBTA if we kept this car and told everyone to kick rocks?

Edit: i realize I just dumped all that bipolar info and never tied it in. Her siblings, one of them was a psychology major, think I’m lying about that and that I’m just using their sister. Personally I feel like I’m the only one that hasn’t used their sister.