To clarify I(20F) guess I wouldn't actually be cancelling, I just wouldn't be going with him. Every single year my fiance(25M) goes and hang out in another state with his childhood best friend. Last year was the first year we went together, and while there was some good moments, I was incredibly stressed most of the time and just felt like I was ruining everything. We went for 5 days together, and we stayed with his childhood best friend and his long term girlfriend in their house. And honestly? I think both of them are great. I have no issues with them, it's how my fiance acted on the trip that made me so upset.

A little bit of background is that before meeting my fiance the last guy I dated was a piece of shit tbh. He convinced me to move across state, quit my job and live with him and his family. They all seemed like great people, and they had a decent sized house, so I figured, why not? Well turns out he had been cheating, and when I tried to leave he would physically harm me or lock me in a room. I had no idea where I was or how to get out of that situation, and I hated it so much. I left him on Christmas eve when my mom came to visit and I left with her. I was 17 then.

Now fast forward to me being 19, finally trusting a new man long enough to be in a relationship and even travel to a different state, I was under the impression we would do a lot of things TOGETHER. We went with one vehicle, so obviously we would stick together right? WRONG. We got there around 7, and he almost immediately left to go fishing. Wasn't back or answering his phone for the next 4 hours. The next day? Fishing again. The next day I broke down. I didn't know these people, and again, they were great but it was wayyyyy too much to be back in a situation where I didn't know how to get anywhere or get back to where I lived. I was sobbing for hours and broke down and told him I was seriously contemplating leaving him because he knew what I went through and did it to me again. He then proceeded to apologize and swore we would do something together the next day. I told him I needed time, I was still overwhelmed and I'd meet him in the house. His friend checked on me and I asked him to please just give me a moment but I'm sure it was clear I was upset.

Now my fiance did keep his word after apologizing, and we did do things together, but the entire time it felt like he only did this because I wanted to leave. Later that day he proposed, with a ring 2 sizes too small. I said yes because I do love him, and the proposal was so heartfelt, I just couldn't help but be a little hurt still. To be honest part of me still wishes that he would've been more present before proposing. I wish he would've had the right size ring, I wish he didn't do it after I told him I wanted to leave. It feels like all I am is someone to bring along so he's never alone. Even when we aren't on vacation, I come 2nd to things like his friends, video games, his wants. I love this man. He's great with my siblings and he's incredibly kind and he financially supported me for a long time, but it seems like the price for that keeps getting bigger. I don't wanna feel the way I did last year. Honestly, I'm scared of feeling that way again. I thought I wouldn't be by now, but I still am. So WIBTAH for not going?