This is a throwaway because my real account is known by my roommate.

I, 30F, am getting ready to move out of the apartment I share with my best friend, 30NB. We've been living together for years, but our landlord is planning to sell the place and said that we either had to move out or get evicted. My friend is moving in with their boyfriend. I am moving in with some random person I met on kijiji (and thus they are not someone I can ask for help).

The thing is, my family is not great. We have a, for the most part, holidays only relationship, but when I told them I was moving, they offered to help me. I don't have a car, so I'm so grateful for the help. The problem is that my roommate has been my best friend for years, and I always vented to them when my parents would do something cruel. For example, pretty much every time we meet my father will catastrophize about how I'm going to end up homeless. I'm not special, he says it about both my older sister as well. Additionally, he is one of those people who thinks that making racist jokes is funny. And I'm not gonna lie, he deadnames my roommate whenever he talks about them. Anyway, back in October, I was complaining to my roommate about how my dad telling me I'm going to be homeless soon stresses me out, and they decided my family is completely banned from our apartment. Which is fine, most of the time, because in the five years we've lived together, I've literally never had them over.

Problem is, I need help moving, and my brother in law (not my father and whom my roommate knows nothing about) offered to help me. When I mentioned my brother in law would be over to pick up a few things, my roommate stated he's not allowed in the apartment. I explained that I need help, I don't have a care and some of these things need two people to carry, but they refused to budge. To be clear, they can't help me either, because they're super busy with their own moving.

I have no other friends in town. All of them moved to bigger and better places, while my roommate and I stayed in our home town. The only other supports I have is my roommate's family, and they are too busy helping my roommate move to be able to help me. I feel trapped and I'm starting to resent my roommate for not letting me get help from my family. I understand, my family sucks, but they're the only support I have. And then I think about how on the day that my brother in law offered to help move my stuff, my roommate will be at work. But, of course, when they see my stuff is gone moved, they'll know right away what happened.

Would I be the asshole if I had my family over to help me move, against my roommate's wishes?