My (40f) husband (42m) of 14 yeas and me come from a poor country, so it was normal to live with parents before (and mostly also after) the marriage.

His father d*ed when he was 12-13 his brother 10 and his mother was raising them alone.

He started working as an intern around being 17-18 yo and later being employed and has been contributing at least the half of his salary to the household (the salary being from $100 raising to $400 during the years).

He wanted to buy a car and during some years managed to save some $5-6 k by his 25th birthday (his mother also had savings).

So she guilt tripped him to contributing his savings towards the renovation of her flat, arguing he will be living in that flat when he gets married, which I see as another red flag as she tried to bind him and seed the idea of him living with her after marriage.

There was also an incident which their family holds for a joke and happily tells it the guests, that when he and his brother didn’t agree to their mothers pleas to renovate the flat, they came home into finding out she wrapped the walls off the wallpaper so forcing them to start the renovation. They are happy she is so goal oriented and find it just perfect and fun.

So WITAH in this situation? I am delusional or has the a*use just been normalized to him?