I’m posting this not to vent, but to open a thoughtful conversation about ethics, consent, and AI in relationships.

Recently, a past partner attempted to rekindle a relationship. It ended after I confronted him about something that deeply unsettled me: he admitted to using ChatGPT to “strategize” communication with me—using my texts, emotional language, and possibly other personal information without my consent. This wasn’t just a one-off; it seems to have been an ongoing practice under the guise of “manifestation,” “self-work,” or “therapy.”

He was also engaging in what felt like symbolic manipulation—curating playlists, wearing colors, and even gaming NPCs as a form of grooming or imprinting. He avoided in-person conversations and insisted on keeping the nature of this communication private for his “privacy.”

My personal boundary is this: I cannot be in a relationship with someone who’s scripting their reactions through a quantum computer or algorithm rather than showing up authentically. It breaks trust and feels inherently misaligned with mutual respect and informed consent.

What worries me more is that this pattern seems to extend to other women—especially single, BIPOC, and/or previously traumatized women. There’s a cycle: they mirror back something real, and he disappears or labels them as toxic within 4–6 months. Add in the fact that he works in a public-facing job with access to sensitive records, and it feels, frankly, predatory.

This experience had a serious mental and emotional impact on me. Even my therapist called it “new territory” and strongly urged further reflection on the ethical implications.

So I ask the community: Would you be okay if a partner used AI to shape how they spoke to you? Where is the line between self-work and manipulation? How do we talk about privacy, consent, and power in relationships that now intersect with emerging tech?