I’m a 54F and my 27M son we will call him David is engaged to a woman we will call her Sabrina 26F They have been dating since my son was 20 and she was 18. My son moved to another state about 13 hours away 4 years ago because of his job and my FDIL got a job where my son moved, a driver’s license, and her own car and her and my son did long distance for 16 months and then she moved to be with my son in his apartment. Well even while they were doing long distance he was already saving money for a home. My FDIL moved into my son’s apartment. The home is completely in my son’s name bc her credit isn’t the best and she makes 2.5 times less than my son makes. That’s not me knocking her I’m just stating the facts for what they are. Well she already talks about the two of them like they are married. She refers to my son’s home as “our” home. When my son bought the home she went on social media and talked about how proud she was of them purchasing their own home.

I’m sorry but I feel like she took my son’s credit. Also when I talk about doing a family vacation with my other 2 sons 26M and 21M she will say things like, “David and I will have to check our schedules to see if we are free besides we don’t know if we will have enough PTO after we travel ourselves.” I can’t quite explain it correctly but the vibe she gives off is that they are their own family unit and me and his brothers are secondary to him when she needs to slow down that we are our own family unit thinking when they aren’t married down. We are his mom and brothers and we have been around his whole life and right now we are considered his immediate family. That’s what the law states.

Also I overheard her talking to my son saying now that they are engaged they should considers everything “theirs” money and all but again they aren’t married and she makes 2.5 less than my son so it’s like she feels entitled to my son’s money without the title to match. If I am visiting with my youngest son she assumes she is invited everywhere I invite my other son to go to. If I call my son and she is around she just automatically assumes she is invited all the time.

From the time they first started dating when my son was only home every other weekend for work (this was before he moved far away) and he would stop over for dinner or to say hi she would constantly be holding his hand and say things before they left like, “oh thank you for having us.” I know it sounds so silly complaining that she is holding my son’s hand and thanking me but again it’s hard to explain but she gives off a vibe of we are the couple and my son is graciously making time for you instead of me being the “default” person he spends time with and he chooses to fit her in. Mind you they been dating like 6 months when she started doing this.

All in all I feel like from the minute my son and her started dating she acted like they were a married couple.

AITA if I talk this over with my son and bring up my concerns with him?

I could be the AH because I could be judging the situation incorrectly.