Hi. I made this account just so I can make this post. Soooo.. It all started in 2019 when I (m/19 at the time) saw this beautiful girl in school. She was 2 grades below and absolutely gorgeous. Blonde hair, blue eyes, small with big breasts and a great ass ( Lets call her F) . I had a girlfriend (A) at the time ( i know, i know )but I just had to text her because luckily I had her snapchat already. We talked day and night and exchanged nudes (I was still with gf A). I never told F I have a girlfriend which was my first big mistake. We didnt meet Outside of school / havent done physical atp. I just wanted to get to know her, see her beautiful body and eventually I have to admit I kept her as a Plan B. One day F must have found out that I have a girlfriend and she told her everything. She never said a word to me, just went straight to my gf and showed her our messages etc. My gf didnt believe her and we went on to date for another 4 years. I was baffled. F ghosted me afterwarts and I have to say.. It broke my trust. I really liked her and she wouldnt even talk to me first? Ik i‘m kinda the asshole for cheating but still it made me mad. I never really forgot about F and I texted her twice while I was still with A. She never responded. Fast forward to 2023: A and I break up and out of the blue F drunk texts me one day. She told me she just split up with her bf. We begin to chat again and everything went great. After a few weeks of texting we meet up at my house and ofc we got intimate.. the thing is she gained some weight. She‘s still incredibly beautiful and I like her body as it is but thats too much for me to consider dating her officially. I think thats where I fucked up. We continue to date but for me its more casual, which I tried to tell her indirectly but she insisted to date seriously or not at all. She even asked me a few times if her body was the problem but I always denied it. So after 5 more months I tell her I cant keep doing this and she agrees. F tells me she has feelings for me and I told her I do have feelings for her (which is true) but they arent strong enough for a relationship. We part ways peacefully. I couldnt stop thinking about her. She is smart, beautiful and a lovely women. She rejects my idea of being fwb and I didnt nag her any further. September 2024: Its been 3 months since we split and I want to check in how she’s doing so I texted her. We start a conversation and I fucked up again by asking for nudes. She reluctantly agrees and I was pleased. A few days later she cut the contact again because she said she doesnt wanna be used. Thats when the real confusion began.. a month later and i still couldnt stop thinking about her. I texted her, not really but I typed in the chat so my name pops up but I never said anything. I‘m not proud and I know it sounds a bit stalkerish but I continued to do so for 6 months, everyday. Sometimes up to 20 times a day without ever getting a reaction. I was obsessed with it, I really wanted her to text me but she never did. On monday I finally had the confidence to ask her whats up without deleting it. She reponds the next morning and I was so happy. We talk a bit but it was incredibly weird. She‘s so distant and seems to want the convo to end as soon as possible. I had to double text her multiple times to keep the convo flowing. Yesterday she sent me a text saying she doesnt want anything sexual, doesnt want something serious and if I cant respect that we dont have to chat at all. It made me feel bad ngl. She said I‘m boring and cant hold a convo without making it sexual. I dont know what happened. She was always such a sweet girl that loved to give me what I want and wanted to see. Is it because I rejected her last year? I texted her good morning today but deleted it shortly after. She hasnt texted me anything at all today. I dont know but I‘m just so confused about what I want from her. She always told me that this is the problem but its really hard for me to make up my mind. AITA?