So I (F) was seeing a guy a while ago, and for his birthday, I paid for a hotel for the night as a gift. During that night, I realized he wasn’t over his ex — emotionally he was somewhere else.

I was upset. I felt like I had been misled. After that night, I asked if he could at least pay for half of the hotel cost (£182 total, so £91 from him). He refused, saying it was a birthday gift and I was being petty and bitter.

Months passed, he blocked me, and then he reached out again. I assumed he had finally moved on and was ready for a real relationship, but nope — same emotional unavailability, same neglect.

Again, I asked him to pay me back for the hotel night, since I now saw it not as a gift but a waste of emotional and financial energy. Still refused. So I sent him a formal message stating I intended to file a small money claim if he didn’t pay.

His response? He filed a harassment report. Next thing I know, the police show up at my door. I was taken in for questioning and spent 16 hours in custody — for harassment.

I get that technically I gave him the hotel night as a birthday present. But do I not have the right to ask for it back if I feel like he totally misrepresented his emotional availability?

Wanna add some details here: 1. Reason for wanting him to pay his share, cos I said I felt mislead and cheated. Cos he didn’t get over his ex and still kept me around. I asked him why he texted me again if he’s not looking for anything serious and he said that “it’s my problem if I can’t handle him texting casually.” Also for the past 3 months I have not asked for him to pay. I then told him that I would ask a guy if he wants me to split the bill for the first date if I’m not sure that I wanna date him. On the contrary, he kept me for a long while and have me pay for him all the time (fyi the entire time it is either we split the bill or I pay for both.. he never invited me for anything). He said “it’s not his problem as I always offered to pay.” 2. I told him that I want him to pay for his share, as he’s not over his ex has hurt me.. so I felt not respected. He refused, I insisted, so I kept calling him. Then he blocked me. I asked friends to text him to say I would wait outside his home to talk in person. He didn’t go back, refused all the calls and text. I waited outside for an hour. Then I left a piece of paper saying “pay me back, you are an asshole, and put my name.” Then I left home. He called me late night when he’s about to be home, asking me why I want him to pay when I never mentioned this 3 months ago. I was so angry that I can’t talk properly, so I kept saying that “u need to pay back.” He said he would think about it, then hang up. I then sent him a few other messages to ask him to pay. He said he asked ChatGPT and he can file me for harassment. He doens’t want me to be contact him again. 3. About harassment report, the case was closed with no further action. Even the detective told me that he would ask him to return my gift, but he still didn’t. Previously he has said he would return to me if I talked to him nicely. But he never did. He also said that when he went out with other girls previously, he can’t get his money back when things don’t work out. So I told him to talk to other girls that he dated before, because with me, “you paid nothing for me.” 4. About the money claim, he rejected it saying that it’s a voluntary gift and said any message that he said about paying me back is written under pressure forced by me and even talked about filing me for the harassment report with the case number. But for the harassment, I have filed a complaint against the police for not doing proper investigation before arresting me as what he told the police was not true.. but the police said “The Police cannot stop people making allegations of crime and the Police have to recorded and investigated these matters.” 5. So now we are assigned a mediator in May.