Hello everyone, I NEVER thought I would be posting something on reddit like this, especially not about MY family but here we are.

I (20F) and my sisters (25&27F) have been trying to resolve this issue for sometime as it just doesn’t make any sense to us but I really want to hear others opinions.

5 or 6 years ago, my grandmother (70F) called my dad (54M) out of the blue to tell us that her and my grandfather, we call him Bumpa (69M) were going to be moving 4 and a half hours away to be closer to our cousins (12&16F). We were definitely upset and confused, but there was nothing we could do, so it just happened.

I had went with my ex boyfriend to visit my grandparents about 3 or 4 times but the rest of my family hadn’t seen them since they moved 6 years ago.

Now jumping to about a year ago in the summer of 2024, me, my mom (54F), my dad, and my sisters all decided to go on a trip to see our grandparents. I was so excited to be seeing them again, as I hadn’t seen them since my ex and I broke up. BUTTT about a WEEK before we left to see them, my grandma called my dad to tell him that her and Bumpa were separating after 25 years of marriage.

Mind you- my dad has called this man his dad for years now because he was his family at that point. So we decided to still go on the trip and this is what happened…

Our first day there we saw our grandma, who did not tell us any reason as to why she was leaving my Bumpa, she just decided she was “over it” after being in the hospital without him for a week.

The next day, we went to visit Bumpa. I am sobbing writing this as this was the last time I saw him. We walked into his apartment and we all sat down with him and just talked, he repeated the stories he used to tell when we were little, stories about us.

When I was 7 years old, I went up to Bumpa who was smoking a cigar and said “do you want to die?” he said no, and I said “so then you shouldn’t be smoking.” and he never smoked again after that. This story still makes memories flow.

So after visiting him I gave him a huge hug, holding in the years of tears that wanted to flow from my eyes at that moment. I told him I love him and we left.

After that trip, something felt off and my whole family could feel it too. When Christmas rolled around, I got a text from him saying “Merry Christmas, Love you, Bumpa💕” I responded and that was my last text from him.

So here’s where it gets crazy… He went into assisted living after that because he was eating himself to death as coping from my grandmother, mind you Bumpa is 6’9 and 400 pounds.

It was my birthday, February 4th 2025 and my parents came out to the porch where I was sitting, they told me the following:

He was supposed to pass the day before my birthday, because he has a DNR (Do not resuscitate) and he had his first heart attack on the 3rd, the doctors got some reason did not see the DNR and resuscitated him and put him on a ventilator. Then on my birthday, he had a second heart attack and passed away.

We were grieving heavily and that’s when my grandma called and told us she’s “glad he’s dead” and “he was a horrific man” and we were completely confused as to why she would say this…

Turns out his sister (who randomly came back into his life less than a year before his passing) told my grandma that he molested her when she was a kid (50-60 years ago). We don’t know what’s true and what’s not, we don’t know what happened to his body, we don’t know if he even had a will or if we’re in it. That whole side of the family will not explain ANYTHING.

We never got the chance to say goodbye, we never could grieve. He basically just disappeared off the face of the earth.

So, WIBTA if I asked my grandma for more information? I am terrified of what she’ll say.