My husband and I have a one-year-old son who has asthma. We take his health seriously—he’s nonverbal, vulnerable, and can’t advocate for himself. We’re extremely cautious about who watches him. My MIL lives nearby and has been around him the most, so when Valentine’s Day came around, my husband planned a rare night out and arranged for her to watch our son.

That morning, our son had a mild cold, which can quickly escalate his asthma. We started his inhaler protocol: four puffs every four hours. I asked my MIL to come early so I could go over everything thoroughly. I gave her clear, written instructions—not only for his inhaler, but also for fever medications in case he spiked one while we were gone. (The way his dosages timed out made it so that he would have needed two inhaler treatments while we were gone, one right after we left and one before we got back.) I noted dosages, timing, signs of respiratory distress, everything. I even demonstrated how to use the inhaler and asked if she felt comfortable. She said she did and told me to trust her. So, we left.

Throughout the night, I texted her regularly. She reassured me everything was fine—he was in good spirits, sleeping, drinking water. I felt relieved… until we got home.

As soon as we walked in, we knew something was wrong. My son had visible retractions, grayish-blue lips, and a high fever that had gone untreated. When we asked what had been done, we found out she had not given him any medication at all—not the asthma treatment we had gone over in detail, not the fever meds I had clearly labeled and provided with instructions. Nothing. We immediately called 911. He was hospitalized with severe hypoxia. The doctors said they needed to monitor him for potential soft tissue damage, and he needed to be able to have a stable O2 rating for 8 hours. We were discharged 2 days later.

I was devastated and focused entirely on getting him stable. After he recovered, my husband and I agreed we needed a sit-down conversation with his mom. We weren’t looking to fight—just to understand what happened. We told her we couldn’t move forward until that happened, and until then, she wouldn’t be seeing our son. This was a serious safety issue, and I wasn’t willing to sweep it under the rug like other things had been in his family.

We tried reaching out respectfully, asking for a face-to-face conversation. She avoided it, replying “good night” to my husband’s message and not addressing anything. She continued dropping off clothes through my FIL and texting my husband generic “how are you” messages. But she refused to acknowledge what happened or show any remorse.

Finally, almost two months later, my husband went over to speak with her directly. Her response? That she had nothing to apologize for. That she did better than any babysitter could have. That she was with him the whole night, so everything must’ve been fine. She said we should be grateful she watched him. She even tried to blame my son for having asthma. Then she started mocking me—sarcastically calling me “the queen” and saying I was judging her for being a “simple mom” who raised three boys and didn’t need to learn anything new.

In addition, she claimed she cried the night of the incident and that her “trip to Mexico was ruined” because of what happened. She also said she feared I would call the cops on her. But instead of taking any responsibility, she made it all about herself. She continued to play the victim and never acknowledged that my son’s health had been put in jeopardy.

When I later messaged her directly, calmly and respectfully, explaining how traumatizing that night was and asking for an honest conversation to move forward, she still refused. She said she had nothing more to say, that she was fine in her position, and that we’re the ones with the problem. When I told her that if she continues to take this stance, she will not have a relationship with our son, she said that’s fine. I emphasized again that this would be her choice and she agreed.

Now she’s playing the victim. But to me, the only victim was my son.

So… AITA?