I’ve (23F) been in a relationship with my boyfriend (27M) for the past 2 to 2.5 years. He’s absolutely caring, intelligent, helpful, and someone I genuinely saw a future with. I even met his parents, but they didn’t seem too eager to meet me.

Despite that, I made several efforts to build a good relationship with them—sending gifts, taking his mother out for lunch, bringing home-cooked meals when they visited my city, and checking in on them, especially when my boyfriend wasn’t around. I even used to message his mother occasionally to ensure she was doing okay. Although his father made a few unnecessary comments, I chose to let them slide, especially after my boyfriend warned me that his father tends to be that way.

For the past week, my boyfriend has been visiting his parents in another state. We haven’t been able to talk on the phone much because he wants to spend time with them, and also because it’s difficult for us to speak freely while he’s there. However, his mother has been constantly pointing out that he’s always texting me and has even suggested that I should focus more on my work instead of messaging her son all day. In reality, we don’t text constantly—we just keep each other updated throughout the day.

A few days ago, he video-called me because his friends were over and wanted to chat. I had a good conversation with them, his sister as well, and everything seemed to be going well—until he suddenly handed the phone to his mother, saying she’d been wanting to talk to me. What I thought would be a friendly chat turned into a barrage of complaints.

She told me I shouldn't keep texting him all day and asked whether my parents were okay with me being “distracted” instead of focusing on my work. She advised me to concentrate on my studies and career, and said I should aim to make my parents proud instead of constantly talking to my boyfriend. Then she made a general comment that kids nowadays have no shame and behave however they want—something she couldn’t accept.

I tried to defend myself and said that I believed I was making my parents proud. But she implied otherwise, questioning me—“What exactly are you doing that makes them proud?” She kept a smile on her face and spoke in a casual tone, but it didn’t feel genuine. It felt like she was just masking her disapproval. I felt extremely disrespected. Her words made me question whether I was doing enough in my career or even for my parents. I got teary-eyed and cut the call to collect myself.

Later, I called my boyfriend back. He thought the call had dropped due to internet issues and started talking normally. But I couldn’t hold back my tears. When he asked what had happened, I felt frustrated—he’d heard everything his mother said. I told him how hurt I was, but he insisted that I should try to see it from another perspective and that my view isn’t the only one that matters.

While he eventually admitted that what his mother said was wrong, I asked him why he didn’t stand up for me during the conversation. He had no answer.

From the beginning, I’ve made it clear that I want to live independently with my partner after marriage, not with in-laws. I expressed this when things started getting serious between us. But now, I feel like he’s stuck in a position where he may have to choose between his family and me—and that’s not fair to him.

I don’t want to be the reason for any such choice. So, I told him I’m ready to step away from this relationship. I don’t see another option right now. AITA? Any other suggestions are also welcome.