TW SELF HARM

To preface, he isn’t an alcoholic-he rarely drinks. However, when he does I am so scared of him.

Last summer, he went out when I told him I was thinking of self harming and said it’s not his fault he had planned to go on his last uni night out.

He also got very angry when the atmosphere in the pub was bad for the euros and subsequently we argued bevause I told him to try enjoy anyway. He said he was going to leave and not come back (not to me, as in leave the world) and I found him with a knife ready to harm himself (not end it at this point, just harm).

I told him at this point no more drinking infront of me. This worked until this week.

He is on a stag do abroad so is understandably drinking. He got a tattoo last night and I said it was a bit of a joke when we are saving for a house. It did only cost £30, but I’ve been working extra shifts to the value of £30 each, so I feel like a mug for adding when he is taking (we have our own money, but I feel like my money is all for the shared pot).

I was upset with him today because he called me whikst I was visiting a friends resting place. He knew I was going but forgot the time, which I was disappointed at, because this friend has only just passed and he knew it was the first time I was going to visit the spot where he died.

He called me tonight and was clearly so drunk but denied it. I could tell he was bevause he asked me the same two questions twice in 5 minutes, genuinely forgetting he had asked them, and was slurring.

He got angry at me for complaining that I didn’t want to talk when he was drunk and said I had been breathing down his neck the whole weekend but could provide no examples.

He then said all of the following: (When it says K, I responded) I was typing as he spoke so I didn’t have time to type my responses-I added context where necessary

What the fuck more do you want K As if you don’t fucking swear at me K (I don’t btw) What the fuck do you mean by that why the fuck would it be that K-I don’t want to see you next week You don’t want to fucking see me do you K You don’t want to fucking see me what a joke That’s a pisstake that K You saying how’s it a fucking pisstake after two fucking weeks K You’re acting like a fucking weirdo K Why wouldn’t you want to fucking see me K Doesn’t make it fucking acceptable to say I don’t want to see you K Just ducking weird isn’t it why the fuck wouldn’t you want to K-talk with respect I fucking am arent i (talking with respect) K Why the fuck would you ducking say that K You just been fucking disrespectful fucking hell K(Set boundary) No it’s you being ducking disrespectful Mocking my voice You’re being a ducking tosser that’s why Mocking my voice Well you do want to fucking see me so stop acting like a fucking weirdo K You’re giving it all this biggun that you don’t want to see me but you do cos why the fuck wouldn’t you K You’re talking ducking shit K You clearly do want to fucking see me don’t you bevause why the fuck wouldn’t you Disrespecting me And you’re not doing fucking same right now K Mocking what I said K You ducking do don’t you what do you fucking mean K No fucking listen hear if you don’t want to fucking talk to me then I don’t want to fucking be with you cos why the fick do you not want to talk to me it’s so disprwctful to ducking (mocking voice) when I’m literally just I didn’t even have to call u buy tjougjt it would be nice but all you’ve done it fucking complained all night K How am I meant to ducking speak to you right now K I’m speaking to you with ducking respect K Doesn’t mean it’s not with ducking respect though K All you’ve done since I fucking landed is kicked off at me so fucking think about it K All you’ve done is fucking kick off

He said he was going back out, so I told him to charge his phone to at least 50% and bring his portable charger, as he will be out for 6+ hours in a place where he doesn’t know and he doesn’t know anyone he’s with’s phone number off by heart and his money to get home is on his phone.

He left at 40% with no charger, which is now making me scared he will be stranded. He has refused to charge his phone whilst drunk before and his phone died. This was stressful enough in his own city

What is so hard I know he loves me so much. He genuinely wishes he was here with me and wishes he wasn’t on the holiday, but somehow still talks like shit despite this. The drink is such an issue

Am I wrong for saying when he is home that I can’t cope with it and if you want me, you can’t get drunk.

Does anyone have any alternative advice or solutions