I (26F) and my ex- boyfriend (27M) have recently started talking again after a six month long relationship came to an end about a month ago. I ended things because I didn't feel like my conversation needs were being met, intimacy was lacking, and he was also going through a traumatic event that put our relationship on the back burner. We can both agree that ending things sooner would have been better for him to process such a big loss and not have to focus on keeping up with a new relationship.

Fast forward to now, and he wants to get back together. I'm on the fence, and I get even more critical when we are out with his friends.

No one approaches him to talk, he usually has to initiate it. And when he is in a conversation, it's always about him. He never asks questions about the others experience, he consistently interrupts other people, and also just lacks a general sense of awareness to social cues. He talks over people to make a joke that usually isn't as funny or original as he thinks it is. We need more people to be cringe in this world, but it's hard to feel that from your partner and sit in that feeling when you're around other people that you'd like to get to know and be around.

I feel like being his partner is also representing him at social gatherings. Obviously his own choices are his own, but I can't help but want to be with someone that other people like talking to. I like talking with him sometimes, but often find myself being interrupted and shut down the rest of the time. As someone who often got talked over as a kid, it's important to me to feel heard as an adult.

Am I being too critical? Is it worth sticking around to help change and grow or should I just say goodbye again and find someone who's naturally empathetic in conversations?

Here is a brief summary of green and red flags:

🟩 Cooks and cleans 🟩 Is a cleanly person 🟩 Shows up to hard talks, doesn't get too defensive 🟩 Patient when helping me learn a new skill 🟩 Holds boundaries with his mom 🟩 Has a cat and a motorcycle (so do I, now) 🟩 Similar political beliefs and life goals 🟩 Started therapy

🟥 Interrupting constantly 🟥 Has a bit of an arrogant side 🟥 Sounds condescending when he's teaching 🟥 Jokes aren't funny or original 🟥 Doesn't actively listen 🟥 Has a difficult (albeit distant) mother 🟥 Chews really loudly and it makes me rage