My (23F) boyfriend (23M) went out last night with some friends who were in town. They’re rarely all together, so I totally get wanting to make the most of it. I also went out last night, but I made a point not to drink much because we had Easter plans with his family today—an important holiday for both of us.

For background: I grew up with an alcoholic father who would often miss family events because he was too hungover to show up. So, heavy drinking—especially when it interferes with commitments—really affects me, and my boyfriend knows this. One of the things I love about him is that he rarely drinks and never gets sloppy, which is part of why this is such a big deal.

This morning, I hadn’t heard from him, so I texted to ask what time the Easter thing at his parents’ house was starting. No response. Two hours later I called—still nothing. Eventually, his mom texts me saying he’s “not feeling well” and asks when I’m coming over. I told her I was just finishing the cake I was baking and I’d head over soon to help out and stuff.

Before I left, I tried calling him one more time. He finally picked up. I asked if he wasn’t feeling good and if he wanted me to skip the event. He said nothing. I asked, “Well… what do you want me to do then?” Still nothing. I wasn’t even being hostile—I was just genuinely confused and trying to be considerate. He said nothing. So I said, “Alright, well I made the cake so I’m going to drop it off and I’ll just stay out of your way.” Again: no answer.

I showed up at his place with the cake, and I brought him electrolytes and a snack. I find him in bed in swim shorts, having thrown up in a trash can with no bag, clearly hungover to hell. This man has a full-time job and is usually a really great partner. But I’m furious. He knew we had Easter plans. He knows I have trauma around this kind of situation. And I feel completely disrespected and triggered.

That said—I also know he doesn’t see his friends all together often, and he genuinely doesn’t drink heavily on a regular basis. Part of me feels like I should cut him slack. But the other part of me is raging.

So… AITA for being mad?