I ‘23F’ have only been in an official relationship with my boyfriend ‘27M’ for a few weeks. However, we have been dating for over a year.

He was slow to commit on his part due to past relationship trauma, as well as (unfortunately) a horrible childhood. We spent a lot of time talking and then went through a brief period of no contact when I realized he wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship. During this time, I met a guy ‘27M’ online who I spent a lot of time talking to, and eventually gained an emotional relationship with. I find him attractive physically, But quickly realized that he wasn’t a guy I would want to be in a relationship with. I still enjoyed his company and considered him a friend.

Fast forward, my boyfriend and I start talking again. He wants me to talk to the guy less given our history, but also acknowledges that we still aren’t together and kinda just “deals” with me talking to him occasionally. He sees this guy’s name come up on my phone a few times while we are together and it strikes a few nerves, leading to long discussions. I try to assure him that I do not have romantic feelings for this guy at all, but my (now) boyfriend insists that This guy either did or does still like me and he doesn’t like our situation. So I talk to him less and less.

Fast forward to my boyfriend bringing up relationship dynamics a few months later. He tells me that he occasionally “checks in” on girls from his past on Instagram, and wanted to know my thoughts on that. I told him as long as the conversations were respectful, and didn’t last multiple days, I didn’t have a problem with it. Please keep this in mind.

My birthday rolls around and my boyfriend takes me on vacation, where after months of therapy, he feels more at ease about being in a relationship. He also confides in me that he was on my neck so bad about talking to my guy friend because in the past, he had a girl he was talking to randomly disappear, found out through his sister that he had a boyfriend. He was worried about me doing the same thing.

Now, my friend’s birthday has rolled around. We haven’t had a real conversation in at least a month, but I text him to tell him happy birthday. We share a few texts before I tell him I have a boyfriend, so if I get distant then that is why. But I still consider him a friend. That is the end of the conversation. The next day I tell my boyfriend about the interaction, and ask him his thoughts and if he’s okay with me (occasionally) following the rules I laid out for him regarding other girls he talks to.

This did not go well. My boyfriend essentially said it was disrespectful of me to even ask that of him, and that I should have already known what his answer would be. He told me that I already knew he had a problem with our “friendship” and that what I did hurt him. I told him that i was attempting to be respectful by being honest of the conversation and even sent him screenshots. This was a few days ago. He initially told me he wanted to instill better boundaries moving forward, which I agreed with. But after he told me that he couldn’t currently be present in our relationship because of This, I told him maybe we should reevaluate whether we’re together or not at all. I sincerely apologized for not being considerate from his perspective, even though I was trying to do the opposite. I suggested some “space” for both of us, which he did not want at first but reluctantly agreed to.

Now it has been three days and I haven’t heard from him, and usually he can’t even go a day without taking to me. I did want space, but I intended this to be a day at most. I’m reevaluating a lot right now. I’m trying to be considerate of his feelings, but I also do not see why he can’t acknowledge that at the very least, I was trying to be respectful and let him know of the conversation.